Woots!

i just want to be there.


The long awaited break has finally arrived! Yeap, it's not like i'm celebrating Raya but you know what? i really need the week long break and would most probably cry after when it's over. Zzz.

On a happier note, i've finally did something to my unruly rebellious hair! spot the new look!


ignore my wrinkled Winnie the Pooh shirt.


That look reminds me of form 4- lower 6 period. LOL. seriously, i look so young now! okay, maybe just a tad bit younger but still younger! haha. I miss my curls but with dyed hair, curls only makes the hair drier. Now, it's straight sleek and shiny. me like! thinking of colouring my hair back to black, then i'd look even younger!

This week has been okay. a little on the down side. Why? the amount of work, the lack commitment and cooperation, puasa no puasa, i feel like blowing up at the world. i am like a volcano waiting to erupt.


damn cute! me <3>


I don't like group work. Never like them. Actually i don't mind if we get to choose our group mates, i really don't mind that. that's cause you wont resent the world even if your groupmate doesn't do squat. But if the group's assigned by some other people, it's a disaster. We don't understand each other, some doesn't do shit, some do all the shit. Some wanna do shit but because the rest isn't acting like they give a shit, worries like shit!


and unfortunately, i fall into the "wanna do shit but because the rest isn't acting like they give a shit, worries like shit" category thank you. of course i'd be fair. I realized only two other group mate DID something where else the rest, i am sorry to say, sometimes i wonder what are you guys doing here at all. I won't say which group, i won't say who. You know who you are. And after Raya, buckle up! *grrrrr!*


Anyways, for the week, i've plan to revise! yeap! stephie wishes to do that and hopefully stephie fulfills it! ohhhhh, ohhh! i wanna watch Gamer, A perfect Getaway, G force and and.. hmm.. other slasher flick! The few weeks after raya, it'd be like shit again. actually, even worse. owh well, no pain no gain right?


because i can be as free as i want to be.


and i'll be as free as the butterfly after finals. then australia, here i come! =) oh yeash, it's confirmed. I'm going to australia from 14th nov to 8th dec! can't wait! X)

To Those Who Feel Like Giving Up.

I miss my form 6 life. I miss my classmates. I miss practically everything about it. And right now, right now, i feel alright. The past few weeks had been difficult. I kept on thinking about giving up. And well, i know there're people out there who feels the same way or something like that.

I guess i'd take this opportunity to dedicate a song for you guys.

Title: My Wish
Artist: Rascal Flatts

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

Home

No place feels as good as that. Not even the most expensive hotel suite..*pause* okay, maybe the most expensive hotel suite might you know, alter the fact that it feels better than home but there's NO place like home.

well, i've had my taste of living away from home in a DORM. the horror. i know. where you shower in a shared toilet with a few cubicles with no hot water. where you can only get food at the cafeteria. where sometimes you have to survive on bread, buns, biscuit or cup noodles. it's not fun. where you have to travel in shuttle buses and missed it when you're 5 minutes late to the bus stop.

so the thing is, i'm in UKM now. The place is alright. but don't expect to see many chinese or indians. my room is..half of my room size at home.. and i have to share it with another girl named Kai Lee. She's also taking law course which makes it better. thank god we're both from nearby or else i would feel bad leaving her alone whenever i go home on the weekend. my schedule now still look okay but it's gonna be super packed by the fourth week. *sigh* it makes me wonder if i had made the wrong decision but on the more positive note, all the activities here are to mould us into lawyers so that it'll be easier for us when we graduate. you know what? i can't wait for that day to come and i'm not even 2 weeks here.

why did i say there's no place like home?

home, you have your parents and you sibling/s. your meals are provided. you have the tv and computer to yourself. hell you even have your own bathroom in your room. home, also a place where alll your close friends dwell in 5km radius. at home, you can even have snacks. biscuits, sweets, cold drinks and etc. you even have your very own comfortable bed with comforter and 2 or 3 fluffy pillows not to mention your soft toys. i m thinking of my bennie bunnie and mmer mmer. XD

here.. you can't have all those.

*sigh* i m getting more homesick as i talk abt it. i better shush it or else. *shudders*

it's weird you know. i hate going to camps. i basically hate leaving home and now i am not home. and i do feel homesick but.. not THAT bad. most probably i am taking in the comfort of knowing home is just 20km away and that my parents will come an hour after one phone call of asking them to come pick me up. and also, the comfort of knowing that i'm not alone in this, that other people are facing it too. that this is the beginning of my life as an adult, too.

i hate growing up.it means spreading your wings and leaving the nest. i am slowly doing that. and it's gonna be a long process, as i see it.

kristine, now i know why you were crying on your 20th birthday. it does suck when the realization hits me. and it's sorta hitting me now. =(

i guess that's all for now. will update as soon as i can. =) most probably it will be soon. =)

till then, take care people.=)

Heroes.

Mohinder Suresh (as the narrator): The world isn't small but you are and fate will find you eventually.

Well, i'm okay now. the past 2 posts were very angst ridden. haha. i know. and it bores the shit out of people to have me repeating the same thing.

well, i haven't really sort out my life yet but wth right? i'll just go with the flow. my parents finally backed me. and i'll tell you, i'm very surprised by it.

on the other note, i'll have another 2 more months to bum around before the real thing starts. So what have i been doing? i've been a couch potato, watching series. HEROES from season 1 till season 3 had been real educating. LOL. seriously, i love the narration and sometimes the dialouge itself. And Peter Petrelli said something that i will, most probably live-by AGAIN. what do i mean by AGAIN? I was like what he said once but it didn't get me anywhere and then i changed, and it didn't get me anywhere as well. so i think, i'll just settled back to who i was. changes, might be good but sometimes, it isn't.

and that doesn't mean i will see things as naively as i was before.

CHUCK season 1 and 2 is really awesome. it's a nerds/geeks show. only nerds/geeks will understand it. scratch that. it is actually really nice and it's NOT at all geeky or nerdy. nerds/geeks and secret agents, nice! =) not to mention, it's really really funny.

now i'm on GOSSIP GIRL season 2.

okay, as you guys know, the gov has finally decided to scratch english for science and maths and reverting back to BM.

i THINK, it's a very very stupid move. make that idiotic. they have only tried english for like what 7 years? and they expect the students english at par with western countries? it's stupid. if these 7 years hasn't shown any improvement, it's like an alarm being sound. it shows how bad our english are. and they want things to go back to BM.

it doesn't matter if they added more time for english lesson. english is another language that needs practising whether it's writen or spoken. and their reason for terminating english is because the they ASSUMED rural students can't handle it. if they can't handle school level english, how are they gonna handle the world later? contracts, documents, reports, they are all written in english that is so formal, sometimes, i don't even know what is it and i totally give up on reading them.

thing is, they are protecting these people so much that they didn't realize they are destroying them and the generation after.

it's like the saying, give a person a fish for a meal and that person will ask for a fish for the rest of his life.

teach a person to fish for his meal, and he'll be able to fish for himself for the rest of his life.


the way things are, people will get too reliant on the gov. it's time to step out of the comfort zone. things may not be improving now but what about years later? 7 years for english is a very short time. if that 7 years were the age of human years, it means our english is still like a child. still growing. still have rooms for improvement. and they have decided to not continue it. what a waste of time and effort. they have just killed a child, metaphorically speaking.


on an ending note, you can't get a tree tomorrow if you've just planted the seed today.

Blah Blah Blah.. Blah Blah Blahhh!

Here i am.

Always searching for quote. Looking for something meaningful that can be applied to me or others. I've found a few but it's forgotten minutes i've heard it. I am so not a quote person.

I am currently very lost. It's definitely not depression. Just an early 20's crisis. I've been avoiding too many questions that needed answers and right now i'm being confronted by one that determines my future whether i want it or not.

Right now, i feel like a doll *at least it sounds nicer than a puppet!*. A doll always smiles at you because that smile is painted on it. You don't see a doll that frowns in anger, confusion, concentration or sadness. no. you will not see it because it's not there. a smile painted on my face but deep inside, i'm lost in confusion and anger and everything altogether.

it's funny how things can be so superficial. On the exterior, things are so beautiful but how sure are you that the interior is actually quite as shown exteriorly? a beautiful red apple can fool you but one bite may tell you whether it is sweet or not. whether it's rotten inside or not. whether it is a pure breed or not. *eh, i am not saying i'm fake ah! =P*

and there's a reason for me for not updating frequently besides my blogger being messed up. it's because i have so much anger in me right now that, if i do blog, i'll end up lashing at almost everyone who.. well, contributed to this anger in me.
i am way past that age where it's called angst ridden teen. right now, i am an angst ridden young adult. wtf. angst ridden young adult.

i wanna go goth. black hair, black liner, black shadows, black nails, black clothings. thing is, i've lost my black hair, i can't do black shadows and liner without looking as though i've been punched and black clothing is NICE.

the reason for going goth? to show them that i am EMO. wtf. i haven't been emo in awhile. and right now i am going emo.

it's time. i know this time would come. i've been far too happy these 2 years and the time for me to emo has come. god, WHY now? i effing hate decision making. and i effing hate making the wrong decision not that i truly have. okay. i HAVE. but those isn't as life altering as this is.

And i am the the doll with the painted smile right now. they don't know how "poisoned" it is inside. because she's taking everything in and letting nothing out.

on the other hand, the optimistic part?

smiling is infectious; you catch it like a flu.

i feel like smiling from the inside. when is it coming back to me?

Oh.... oh...... OHHHHH...

I don't know what is wrong with me. =(


I crave for this thing that oozes warmth, that's sickly thick and sweet with a few tiny cubes.


Its taste, indescribable. Its aroma itself can send you floating towards the clouds.


i want it. i want ittttttttttt! *cries*


I want...


Jack's Place Apple Pie! (T_T)



No kidding. i've never fancied apple pie until one day when i tasted Jack's Place Apple Pie. It's warm, nice and.. and.. mouth watering delicious. =(


But right now, Jack's Place is so far away. I can only have this instead.




McD's Apple Pie.


Although the taste isn't as great as Jack's Place, but... it's the next best substitute for it.



Now, the only thing i have to do is make my ass move so that i can go get my apple pie. Ta now~

Sometimes

it is you i don't understand.

Ever find it hilarious that sometimes the person that you think you know or perhaps understand the most turns out to be someone that you don't really know and understand?

Or maybe it is because you really want to see and believe you know that person thus creating an image that's all in your head? Accepting all the plus side and denying every flaws, hoping that the flaws would go away? Hoping that all the good side is adequate or more than adequate to cover up the flaws?

We're just humans. We make mistakes. We do things that sometimes we can't explain it to ourselves. From mistakes we learn. From the flaws we recognize, we strive to change for the better.


and one thing i've never quite learn to stop is hiding and taking every hurt and disappointment inside, shutting it somewhere and slowly poisoning myself.


ps: i'm just a human too. i can't be perfect.

Mmmm..

As usual, i was chilling alone last night. The night before, dad accompanied me to watch this Malaysian movie called Love Matters. It was pretty good. Gives you a good laugh and some pretty good insight on life and love. =) but what's more interesting is the movie called


He's just NOT that into you.



Movie is based on a book actually and believe it or not, my elder sis bought the book way before it's made into a movie.


the book. the exact same cover!


I find the movie pretty intriguing. It revolves around a few couple with different relationship status and how it ends at the end of the movie. Most of them has a happy ending except for one. And that one was bad because the dude cheated on her and she was like trying to salvage it but it was only her and hers effort alone. So basically, i think the cheater deserves it. Deserve to get dumped. LOL.

Scarlett Johansson is hot. Before this i don't know what's the hype all about, now i know. haha. but too bad, she's the other woman. and she does it good. Justin Long is cute! Kyahh! xD

Okay, thing is, guys wouldn't really enjoy this movie because most of them are potrayed as jerks except for open minded ones who don't mind learning a thing or two about women.


Stephanie: I know your secrets.
Stephanie's Reflaction: And i know yours too...

Otherwise, i think girls should watch it! =) i think some can relate oh-so-well to these couples. =) it's not like a guide to tell you to be like them. it's more of, watch it and reflect on yourself,learn from their mistakes.

on a random note, shopping with a mum in super good mood is a good thing! =D she splurges on us well! =D


Godiva's CHOCOLIXIR.


We went for the Home expo in KLCC with mum. She was in a really really good mood! We had lunch in Dome before heading for the expo. After the expo, mum brought us to shopping! it was grreeeaattt! She really splurged a lot before we got this rm5 voucher for godiva. Then we went to the shop to get chocs. chocs cost like rm50 and above? it's madness! then we saw the chocolixir that costs like rm22 for one. Mum ordered choc peppermint which taste so heavenly!



Sandra have to have her choc at least one a day. i think she'd make a good chocolate model. LOL.
Sandra the Godiva Model.


Besides that, Gwen Stefanie's perfume smells really nice! Mum bought it. for herself. ps: doesn't mean we can't spray some on ourselves. hahaha. Okay, that's super random.


Just updating for the fun of it. Now i'd like to go play Jenny's fishshop. Ta now! =)

What Hurts The Most?

back when i was 17.



By Rascal Flatts.


I'm talking about the song. though it has been like 3 years but i still like the song though it brings back horrible memories. *shudders* it also reminds me of the cameron trip with kristine and her family. i was damn addicted to the song.



it's lost now.


What Goes Around Comes Around by Justin Timberlake reminds me of Redang for god-knows-what-reason. Amen.


What hurts the most? I say, i won't know it now though i've been cut before. deeply. but that was like so long ago. so now whenever people talk to me about it, i know how it feels. the pain. the agony. the sleepless nights. the loss appetite. the tears. the part that's lost from your very soul.


sometimes, memories are not lost. they are just hide themselves after a long time.


but then, i think that's not the worst as there are other feelings just as bad. unrequited love. or knowing you already have that person but you can't have him/her due to unseen circumstances. I suppose, i understand why it makes people feel depressed. being rejected is also bad. i think i've been rejected before. it wasn't that bad because it was just a stupid rebound crush. LOL.


Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood.


er, not that i've been cheated la. okay. i was. in another way. but it wasn't the i-found-him-in-the-bed-naked-with-another-girl kinda cheat but it does hurt the same. When a relationship is based on lies, lies and more lies, there ISN'T a foundation there. the worst part is finding out the lies, not white ones but those with the mean to hide something.


emo-period.


*sigh* i see people emo around me. i also emo. =/


i'm easily influenced. emotionally. which is a rather bad thing.


1st, one of my clossies.


2nd, he, who comes to me when he needs someone for an opinion.


3rd, she who says she falls in love with shayne ward's I Cry (which is f-ing emo).


4th, i just got a bunch of emo songs from Ben. (-_-")


5th, i feel so lonely.


ps: i should really be more cheerful. *sigh*

Babes, Clothes, Shoes and SALES!

CNY: Ben and his double eyelids. xD


You know, these 2 months really sucked. okay, you probably didn't know.

as my last post said, i'll be shifting to a new place but in the same area so yeah, we did. but here's the thing, there's no landline therefore no internet. so for the past 2 months, i've been living under the coconut shell (malay saying) or turtle shell (chinese saying) or.. i've no idea what's the english saying or simply because i can't think of it right now. haha. so for the past 2 months, what have i been doing? i've no idea. *sigh*

so results are coming out next month. though it's just 2-3 weeks time ahead, i'm feeling all jittery. sleepless nights. constant thinking and remembering what happens if i don't well. *shudders* I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT! *nyah!!* You know, dang these exams. why? because! simply because! they are so TRAUMATIZING! i don't know about you but sometimes i dream of sitting for PMR. By god i should be dreaming on STPM but no, i dream of PMR. You see how traumatizing it is?!


diamond rings. =)

Hmmm, if you noticed, malaysia seems to be on sales 365 days a year. Christmas sales then it was just sales, then it's cny sales and then it's just sales again. i mean, sales
has so lost its meaning. =/

still, though it has lost its meaning, i m still a sucker for it. LOL. i mean, i like sales. doesn't everybody. in fact i get pretty excited until..

Stephie: Guess's having sales!

Ben: . . . . . .

Stephie: means i can get a new bag.

Ben: . . . . . . .

Stephie: can we go?

Ben: Darling, lets say you like this bag that cost rm600 at usual price, then the price slashes
50%, will you still get it?

Stephie: No.

Ben: *So can we just stay at home?* ** means never saying it loud but just thinking about it.


and then, the spirit deflated and i'd rather just stay at home.

okay, here's also a thing. with sales going on everyday, you just don't have mood to shop anymore. last time when sales was seasonal, you go crazy because the price is marked down and you go crazy getting all the tops, skirt, dresses, shoes and etc. but now, it's like no point going to shopping when things are always marked down by 10-30%. I'd say it's a marketing strategy and people get conned and they still don't know. LOL.

who knows a cardigan actually costs RM50. then the price tag says rm60 but because of discount of 15%, you pay about rm51 for the cardigan. they earn extra rm1. LOL. i'm getting twisted.

talking about cardigans, i like the ones in GAP. but they are like almost rm200 for a f-ing cardigan. it's kinda crazy when you think about it. =/ the colours are attractive but paying rm200 for a basic cardigan is just plain crazy.


looks like pavillion but at the same time it looks like One U. I think it's pav since One U doesn't have that monkey shop. =/


and then, shoes. i don't really like shoe shopping. =/ but then, during cny, i fell in love with this pair of gold heels. never got it because of no size. hahaha. then the other day i saw it again with the correct size, but, by then, i already fell outta love with it. simply because, gold heels. but now thinking back, i should have gotten it. it's unique. swt betul.

right now, i am spending my days reading books. lots of it too. basically, i don't mind paying rm200 for books. why? because they are interesting and also because..

i don't have the guts to drive to Midvalley or beyond yet. so i'll just stick to books for now. and tv if you don't mind. =D

well, i guess that's all for an update? teehee~

Just For This Little Moment.

I miss you! X3

hahahaha! well, i'm NOT really supposed to be blogging till next thursday but you know what? =3 i don't give a damn! X3 i've just had my hardcore papers over~ whee~ but at the same time, i've been overdosing myself with worries. ya know, the urhm, "winning" streak in me. LOL. okay, to be honest, i'm really scared that i'll do bad and then my mum would be like " get married and get a life, i don't want a daughter who can't excel.." that kinda thing?

And yeah, this whole month had been the most stressful time of my year. i've cried coz i was stressed out before but it was like a 10 mins thing? but not this month. damn, i had it bad this month. i've cried like almost everyday? LOL. i think my parents really aught to send me off for some emotion/stress management talk. hahaha! yeah, i'm very stressed. =/

other than that, i've lost weight! yay~! that's the good thing~ my friend whom didn't see me for like a few days went like.. "what happened to you?! You've lost weight!" hmmm.. understatement? because on the way, i've gained eye rings and they are NOT pretty and pimples.


owh, and i've been having aches. backache, buttache, fingerache, neckache, stomachache, headache.. all the aches, you name it! and ulcers. and sorethroat. and fever. demn. of all times huh? =D


owh well, i guess that's all i wanna say. and urh, i only had like 3 hours plus sleep last nite and my papers today were 8am-11am and 2pm-5pm. so yeap, 3 hours of sleep and it lasted me the whole day though i was pretty incoherent.

god, and you know who and what i miss right now?

the whos :
i) ben
ii) kristine
iii) mel
iv) darren
v) yuyan
vi) my granny
vii) deniece ( we haven't been talking girl!)
viii) me when i was a kid free of worries =/

the whats:
i) cinema. i miss pop corns.
ii) sunway pyramid. the good old bubble milk tea.
iii) midvalley. gosh, it was a long time since i went there!
iv) the curve.
v) genting highlands.
vi) cameron highlands.

i feel so gila right now. lack of sleep does it. u know, coke's caffeine doesn't work. i've tried. only lasted awhile. =/


okay back to my baby bennie bunnie.

baby bennie bunnie : my pet rabbit in pet's society (facebook)! =D

AWOL. =)

AWOL is known as away WITHOUT official leave. BUT, for my case, it's WITH official =D

I'm not going away for holiday. no where near that YET but pretty soon i believe. =) I will not be updating much this month as my exam's here. starting on the 18th Nov and ending on 4th Dec. So don't keep asking me already. =/ Yeah, i even have a paper on my birthday. =/ *sigh* life is just so cruel. *sniff sniff*


ben. stephie. at mel's bro's wedding dinner. =)


We're growing fat aren't we? *frowns* owh well, just before i go, there's a song that i'd really love to share. it's LOVE STORY by TAYLOR SWIFT. (ps: i've nvr been so crazy over a singer besides avril lavigne! and now i'm crazy over taylor swift's songs. xD)

Taylor Swift
Love Story


We were both young when I first saw you
I closed my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello
Little did I know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said, "stay away from Juliet"
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you, please don't go
And I said

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

So, I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

Oh oh
Cause you were Romeo, I was the scarlet letter
And my daddy said, "stay away from Juliet"
But you were my everything to me
I was begging you, please don't go
And I said

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

Romeo, save me
They try to tell me how I feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

Oh oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town
And I said

Romeo, save me
I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you, but you never come
Is this in my head
I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said

Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad
Go pick out a white dress
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

'Cause we were both young when I first saw you


Alright, i better get going now. a lot more topic to cover. =) take care ppl! =)

A Quickie

Just thought of a riddle given by Sandra yesterday.

ABC.


Here goes, there are 26 alphabets in the alphabet table. so what happens if..



The ever lovable E.T. =)


E.T leaves the alphabet table? How many alphabets left? =D



ps: leave the answers in comments or the chatbox or personally sms me. =D

Time Of My Own..

Trials ended last friday. Boy, it was sweet. NOT.

Apparently, while i was busy writing, my tummy starts contracting and convulsing. And then there's IT. IT = CRAMPS.

NOT GOOD.

Came home feeling damn weak and sick. Took my lunch then sleep the whole day. then i saw it.

romance. hey, the writer and i share the same name. stephanie. only hers is spelled stephenie. LOL.


I was kinda interested in the book ever since i saw it but didnt dare to buy it coz sometimes, i buy the wrong choice of book, meaning i pay through my nose but never truly enjoy the book. Sandra brought the book home. She borrowed it from one of her friends and since, i need to de-stress, i just thought, why not?

i didn't regret it a single bit. heck, i even finished it on the very day itself. mind you, it's thick like 498 pages? i wish i could study the way i read the book. damn i'll be smart. LOL.

it was really nice in the romance kinda way.

i m a sucker for romance. but the funny thing is, i m a sucker for reading them NOT watching them. Not that i mind but well, i just dont have as much interest in romantic movies compared to books. i am nuts. i know that. =D i just love imagining the characters in my own way you know, it's sparks my imagination.

movies don't. you see what's there and that's it. so since twilight spark my interest, i bought the 2nd book of the series. =)

and this book costs me rm40! ekk! =(

I haven't started on it coz right now i m concentrating on movies. I just got my Supernatural series! wheee~ *kisses the dvd cover* and i've even gotten ben hooked on the series. =P but i am dying to get my hands on it, soon.

and so, stephie shall go watch movies and then read the book. *sigh* i love exams aftermath. makes me WANT to relax like the real thing is over when it's not. =(

see you guys around. =) xoxo.

A Moment In Time..

I know.

I know i'm not supposed to be facing this screen and updating my blog right now. But somehow, i'm feeling pretty sad. It's funny because lately i've been feeling nothing but tensed and angry. I'm pretty sure it's the same old thing again (mood-swing, it attacks frequently, every month.. *winks*)


make your wish and let it flow.


Since it's the 14th of the month (chinese calender), there were people setting up stalls selling mooncakes, pastries, flowers (chrysanthemum, roses, daisies and etc) , fruits, drinks.. it's like a pasar malam but without all the pirated stuffs obviously. =D Then i saw it. The white pastries with really nice deco which it's suppose to represent a moon. It's made out of gluttonous, i am pretty sure all chinese have eaten it before if you haven't, my, you better get it tomorrow before you have to wait for another year! =3

My parents were laughing at me because well, adults don't really eat it, i mean it's sweet and kids love it. Thinking about it, i realized this year's mooncake festival has been pretty quiet. or simply because, i've outgrown it knowing that there will always be another mooncake festival next year but i never thought what could happen in the future, i mean things take a twist, when you least expected it.



my love.

back to my story, after buying those pastries, we were walking pass a flower stall then mumsy decided to but some chrysanthemums for tomorrow, just for the fun of it. and i saw it. roses. my favourite. =) i found out the price is one for rm1. it was hard to decide. there were pink, red, yellow.. ekk! i love red. so i picked a red one. then my mum, feeling generous, ask me to pick another one. Sandra was kinda eyeing for the pink and so we picked a pink one. and then, the kind lady seller gave us a stalk of mini daisies for FREE. =D

After that, we dropped my sister and jin rui off at sejati hill villa to celebrate lantern festival. My parents and i decided to drop by the grocery shop just to get some stuff. it has been awhile since i do grocery with my parents.

Us. So last year, don't you agree?


And then i saw him. A kid. walking in with his mum. His eyes glazed over the lanterns hanging over our heads. *giggles* his look? WOW! reason? because there were so many types of lanterns for him to choose! there are sailormoon, dragon, dinosaur, butterfly, mashimaro, superman.. and a few more. If i were that kid, i'd be like.. WOW too.

Then it got me thinking, "hey, i was like that too.. ONCE.." then i overheard the mother and son's conversation.. she was saying there isn't an ironman lantern, maybe he should choose another one and for some reason, the kid DID NOT throw a tantrum. He went like.. okay.. and he look like he had a tough time choosing the lantern.

lanterns. absolutely gorgeous. =)


And then i just sorta went back into the past.. I realized i won't be touching the lantern anytime soon.. and also i realized, my parents will NOT buy me any lantern anymore..Back when i was a kid, i love lantern festival.. i look forward it each year.. Candles, fire and those beautifully crafted arts never cease to amaze me.. and each year when the time comes, i'd so begged my parents to buy me candles and lantern..

and then i remember, when i was maybe around 4 years old, i was still living in KL back then.. my family were actually living in a flat but mind you, it's a pretty huge flat.. =) my parents, didn't want to bring me out with the lantern, decided to lit a lantern for me in the house just so i could play with it.. and so i did.. =) i walked around the house with it.. *kids can entertain themselves well and so did i*

my dream lantern is one shaped as sailormoon BUT i never got it.


Then i walked into my parents room.. and the lantern (those colourful paper lantern which hangs on a stick) fell on my mattress.. as a kid, i panicked like shit.. i ran to my parents.. they were watching tv, and i was like the lantern.. the lantern.. my parents being real attentive, decided to ignore me thinking i'm just asking for attention until i screamed.. "FIRE!!!!" in cantonese (duh!) i went like.. "FO CHOKKK!!!"

and swosh! full attention on me. i tell them what happened. i can't remember much after that. i think the light went out the lantern fell or it really did burned a part of my mattress which my dad managed to put out.. i can't remember..

So yeah, while i was in the shop, i was hit by a wave of nostalgia where i remember how i used to have my dad buy lanterns for me.. and now, being a typical teenager, i ask for non of these but money to get things myself.. the best thing is, when i have the car, i'll drive myself out to get the stuffs i needed.. no more.. "dad, can you bring me here/there/here/there"..

now i wish i could become a kid again, where i get to rely fully on my parents but that just won't happen anymore.. =(



the moon is almost completely round tonight.


Anyway, just wanna wish you guys Happy Mooncake Festival. =) and of course vent a bit of my sadness here. about me growing up and not being able to play lantern as a kid anymore but as an aunt or a mum in future.. *sigh* and my parents? *giggles* they'll be grandma and grandpa, i think they'll be more attentive to the future generations. and no, my sis is not pregnant and hell no am i. xD i'm just talking about future here you know.. xD


ps: i want to play lantern but no time and no mates to join me. =(

At Lost For Words..

If you were to give me a word, or a topic, i could write you anything that i could think of. Perhaps, i would even write a poem. or a song. or a story. or anything just satisfy you.

But sometimes, i feel lost. I can't think of the right things to say, nor the right words to make someone feel better. Right now, i wouldn't know how that person is feeling, i could only assume yet i don't want to because assuming, makes you feel like a fool most of the time.

i'm lost.



So now i'm sitting down here, wondering what i should do or say. I'm not a person who knows how to act like how i want to. Meaning sometimes, i say things which i don't mean them. I do things that i DIDN'T want to do or i DON'T do the things that i WANT to do.


*sigh* I could only hope you are alright. i'm sorry i couldn't be there.


other than that...


*ps: Stephie has gotten curls and look like an auntie now. =(*


and for that, i'm at lost for words too.. =(

Memories Of The Past..

A week ago, a friend of mine came to me, telling me that someone he knows changed. or perhaps, he just didn't know her too well and started judging the way he THOUGHT she is. Frankly, he is pretty disappointed in her when he see of what she had become.

I couldn't offer a word of advice nor comfort to make him feel better because.. i've changed too. It's hard to tell why but i've mentioned it before we all change according to situations. I used to be meek, shy and quiet. These days, i've become aggressive, a little unlike me, I quote that from Kristine.

And few days back i was looking through my ex-school's yearbook, and you know what? despite i had the worst memories there, i find myself missing not of its building nor the ghost of past that haunts it but the people who were with me then. the people who went to the school with me, who i got to know much better and call them my friends. Kristine, Melody, Darren, Yuyan, Pui Mun, Chia Hong and etc.. xD


Kristine Thong!

I'll start with Kristine. Where should i begin the long long story of this once so oh-tomboyish girl which turned into a hottie straight outta secondary school? =D The 1st time i saw her, i thought she was really tall. well, she was extremely tall! no kidding there! but we weren't close back then because she doesn't speak much of cantonese. *sigh* you know, private schooler.. *stares*..

When did i start to know her better? i still wonder. I remember those days when we were in form 4, i would be always the one talking in BM class and she's the one who got all the questions from pn raziah, you know what? her expressions are always worth a million bucks when you see her squirm when her name is called. xD

Kristine: complicated. Yeah, she has thousandths of personality over the years. She can be serious and mature, she can be funny and doinky, she can be all old and wise (like a tortoise, her choice of animal), she can be anything BUT she's not submissive. =/ especially to me. =/ nowadays, i find her scary. the reason, i'm not gonna tell~ =D

the beautiful aunt. hot, single and most prolly available. choosing for the right candidate to marry. =P

Whatever she may be, I love her. <3.>

My next victim would be.. Melody Ng. =)


gorgeous mel in white. =)

Of all the ppl whom i'm close with, mel is the one who changed a LOT. like a hell lot. But don't judge her just yet. =) My strongest memories of mel is our year in form 3. That is the year i got to know her better and of course got closer to her. Back then she was well, a very sweet and innocent girl. Like really really innocent. xD and then, people change. =3 i won't judge, for better or for worse. mel has become a hottie right after form 3. beats me how she does it but mel, if i need her, she's always there despite my wrong doings, my stupidity and other things.



Even when our friendship fell out, or i felt that the bond has loosen, she is still there. and no, i'm not the only one with that kind of special treatment from her, from what i can see, she treats all her friends the same, each and everyone are important to her. =) Mel, we might not hang out that much now, maybe because, i am still the one holding back the past, or simply because we have really diff schedule but you still mean a lot to me. =) of course, i appreciate you as much as i appreciate kristine, thanks for being there when i'm at my most vulnerable and of course, when i'm at my happiest. =)


Darren Ng, You have been hit by Stephie's Bullet! *No, he's not related to mel in any way!*

the best pic i could find of him.

Darren is.. a music and movie maniac. He's tall, dark and.... SKINNY... He can be pretty absurd. He is one hell of a nice guy. He doesn't mind ppl asking him for favours, or borrowing a dvd or book for a tad too long.. Darren is.. Darren.. =D

Before i got to know him better, i was scared of it. why? because he hangs out with those naughty boys in school and one would then assumed that he is one of them. I used to squirmed when i see him. Then one day, i got to talk to him by chance. i was at kristine's. he was messaging her. kristine was.. cooking i think and she asked me to chat with him for awhile, and that is where we got to know each other.

He's another complicated person. *it makes me wonder now why all my clossies are so complicated* although i've known him for about almost 2 years, it's still hard to find what kind of person he really is.. =/ but he's one generous and kind person for sure. one word for him.. NICE.. =) *don't be too proud after this!*

Next, Law Yuyan!

that is a really small pic of her. O_O

Yuyan, naive and innocent always. I was once like that too but i don't think i am ever like that anymore. We were friends since 9. Trust me, that 9 years, it was pretty adventurous. =D We were so close that we understand each other so well, or at least i thought that so. i'm not sure about her. She may look too cute to be smart in person but she's really smart though really childish. We, don't hang out with each other much, basically, we're both from two different worlds.

She speaks mandarin. I speak Cantonese. We were like duck and chicken trying to communicate when we first got to know each other. but as time passes by, i learn how to speak mandarin and therefore was able to communicate with her. we're both really different but we were close. until one day, it just simply fall out. maybe she had seen it coming and i haven't. but when that day came, i refused to understand and finally accepted it after ahile. We may be friends, close ones for only a period of time and just friends after that. even so, i still appreciate her as she's a big part of my life. =)


Cheah Pui Mun..

steph with steph. =)

Pui mun, we have never been really close though we are friends. She matured faster than any of us i think. When i'm still naive and all, she's NOT anymore. It's amazing how she could ever put up with us because we're just so.. childish?

okay, there are moments where kristine and her are just so crazy that it drives me insane but you know what? I miss you guys doing all those crazy stuff. like.. eyeing a cutie younger than you guys.. *puhleaseee! back then, i didn't support go all crazy over younger guys in OUR school*, or eyeing other guys which you guys think are oh-so-hot while i'm all skeptical about them, and doing the turtle thing from NEMO. Honestly? I miss the Turtle thing the most where you guys go like.. DUDEEEEEEEE.. in that slow voice.. =D

i think she's always there, it's just that i never approach her. even so, i think she's still a really good friend.. i'm glad she found her best friend in CK.. =)

There are a lot of other people who plays a role in my life. I never believe the phrase friends come and go, i do now but only certain ones, which i think it's better to let them go than trying to stay with me especially those who are of a diff world. my diff world meaning, diff interest and stuff..ntg materialistic.. =3

To Be Me.

As i sit here and wonder.

As i look out into the cloudy sky.



i see the clouds moving slowly across the sky.

I look into the grass to see what i wanted to see.

tall green grass, flowers, and butterflies fluttering in and out.

I wish to be. only me.



I wish to hear a lot of words from you.

I wish you could utter those words to me.

"you don't always have to be at par with her.."

I feel small having to be put beside her.

I feel vulnerable. naked. infront of the audience eyes.

but you, you, you..

will never say those words.



i am tired.

tired of proving myself to be an equal.

yet.. i m not willing to give up without a fight.

why, why, why

the words echoes in my mind.

because i am me.






I don't want to be put next to her.

i don't want everyone to look at me the way i'm supposed to be.

i want them to look at me like they're looking at Steph.

I want to do what i want to do

and yet, and yet..

i am doing things to please you and the rest

and it works that way.




that is how i feel.

not given a chance to prove i can fly.

not given a chance to show i could sing in a different way.

not given an opportunity to show i could maybe.. maybe.. dance..


and sometimes i ask myself..

is this really what you want?

i'll answer perhaps yes, perhaps no..

i was given a chance not a choice,

to live up to your standard.

to be the bird in the cage.

and freed one day.. one day..

it seems so.. faraway..



freedom is just..there..


*ps: feeling all tensed as midterm approaching and i can't answer questions during class today.*