Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Memories Of The Past..

A week ago, a friend of mine came to me, telling me that someone he knows changed. or perhaps, he just didn't know her too well and started judging the way he THOUGHT she is. Frankly, he is pretty disappointed in her when he see of what she had become.

I couldn't offer a word of advice nor comfort to make him feel better because.. i've changed too. It's hard to tell why but i've mentioned it before we all change according to situations. I used to be meek, shy and quiet. These days, i've become aggressive, a little unlike me, I quote that from Kristine.

And few days back i was looking through my ex-school's yearbook, and you know what? despite i had the worst memories there, i find myself missing not of its building nor the ghost of past that haunts it but the people who were with me then. the people who went to the school with me, who i got to know much better and call them my friends. Kristine, Melody, Darren, Yuyan, Pui Mun, Chia Hong and etc.. xD


Kristine Thong!

I'll start with Kristine. Where should i begin the long long story of this once so oh-tomboyish girl which turned into a hottie straight outta secondary school? =D The 1st time i saw her, i thought she was really tall. well, she was extremely tall! no kidding there! but we weren't close back then because she doesn't speak much of cantonese. *sigh* you know, private schooler.. *stares*..

When did i start to know her better? i still wonder. I remember those days when we were in form 4, i would be always the one talking in BM class and she's the one who got all the questions from pn raziah, you know what? her expressions are always worth a million bucks when you see her squirm when her name is called. xD

Kristine: complicated. Yeah, she has thousandths of personality over the years. She can be serious and mature, she can be funny and doinky, she can be all old and wise (like a tortoise, her choice of animal), she can be anything BUT she's not submissive. =/ especially to me. =/ nowadays, i find her scary. the reason, i'm not gonna tell~ =D

the beautiful aunt. hot, single and most prolly available. choosing for the right candidate to marry. =P

Whatever she may be, I love her. <3.>

My next victim would be.. Melody Ng. =)


gorgeous mel in white. =)

Of all the ppl whom i'm close with, mel is the one who changed a LOT. like a hell lot. But don't judge her just yet. =) My strongest memories of mel is our year in form 3. That is the year i got to know her better and of course got closer to her. Back then she was well, a very sweet and innocent girl. Like really really innocent. xD and then, people change. =3 i won't judge, for better or for worse. mel has become a hottie right after form 3. beats me how she does it but mel, if i need her, she's always there despite my wrong doings, my stupidity and other things.



Even when our friendship fell out, or i felt that the bond has loosen, she is still there. and no, i'm not the only one with that kind of special treatment from her, from what i can see, she treats all her friends the same, each and everyone are important to her. =) Mel, we might not hang out that much now, maybe because, i am still the one holding back the past, or simply because we have really diff schedule but you still mean a lot to me. =) of course, i appreciate you as much as i appreciate kristine, thanks for being there when i'm at my most vulnerable and of course, when i'm at my happiest. =)


Darren Ng, You have been hit by Stephie's Bullet! *No, he's not related to mel in any way!*

the best pic i could find of him.

Darren is.. a music and movie maniac. He's tall, dark and.... SKINNY... He can be pretty absurd. He is one hell of a nice guy. He doesn't mind ppl asking him for favours, or borrowing a dvd or book for a tad too long.. Darren is.. Darren.. =D

Before i got to know him better, i was scared of it. why? because he hangs out with those naughty boys in school and one would then assumed that he is one of them. I used to squirmed when i see him. Then one day, i got to talk to him by chance. i was at kristine's. he was messaging her. kristine was.. cooking i think and she asked me to chat with him for awhile, and that is where we got to know each other.

He's another complicated person. *it makes me wonder now why all my clossies are so complicated* although i've known him for about almost 2 years, it's still hard to find what kind of person he really is.. =/ but he's one generous and kind person for sure. one word for him.. NICE.. =) *don't be too proud after this!*

Next, Law Yuyan!

that is a really small pic of her. O_O

Yuyan, naive and innocent always. I was once like that too but i don't think i am ever like that anymore. We were friends since 9. Trust me, that 9 years, it was pretty adventurous. =D We were so close that we understand each other so well, or at least i thought that so. i'm not sure about her. She may look too cute to be smart in person but she's really smart though really childish. We, don't hang out with each other much, basically, we're both from two different worlds.

She speaks mandarin. I speak Cantonese. We were like duck and chicken trying to communicate when we first got to know each other. but as time passes by, i learn how to speak mandarin and therefore was able to communicate with her. we're both really different but we were close. until one day, it just simply fall out. maybe she had seen it coming and i haven't. but when that day came, i refused to understand and finally accepted it after ahile. We may be friends, close ones for only a period of time and just friends after that. even so, i still appreciate her as she's a big part of my life. =)


Cheah Pui Mun..

steph with steph. =)

Pui mun, we have never been really close though we are friends. She matured faster than any of us i think. When i'm still naive and all, she's NOT anymore. It's amazing how she could ever put up with us because we're just so.. childish?

okay, there are moments where kristine and her are just so crazy that it drives me insane but you know what? I miss you guys doing all those crazy stuff. like.. eyeing a cutie younger than you guys.. *puhleaseee! back then, i didn't support go all crazy over younger guys in OUR school*, or eyeing other guys which you guys think are oh-so-hot while i'm all skeptical about them, and doing the turtle thing from NEMO. Honestly? I miss the Turtle thing the most where you guys go like.. DUDEEEEEEEE.. in that slow voice.. =D

i think she's always there, it's just that i never approach her. even so, i think she's still a really good friend.. i'm glad she found her best friend in CK.. =)

There are a lot of other people who plays a role in my life. I never believe the phrase friends come and go, i do now but only certain ones, which i think it's better to let them go than trying to stay with me especially those who are of a diff world. my diff world meaning, diff interest and stuff..ntg materialistic.. =3

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

WTFISH?!



I've finally experienced another form of emotion so bad that i feel like it's the end of the world.

I know i'm exaggerating badly as usual but seriously..

it feels exactly like the heartache after a bad break up. like, you start thinking back about the past, the way you feel and etc. this is equally that bad but different kind of memories.

my broken heart. on its way to healing.. yes it is..


I stayed up till 12 last nite just so i'd get my results which i've been mentioning the past few blogs. my muet result. i stayed up till 12.45 when the results came in..

it goes like..

MB362/1054
(my ic number)
Muet Score:
Band Achieved: 5


I was well, sort of shocked. i was hoping for band 6. yeah, i know i'm greedy. and so i refused to believed i've gotten band 5 and actually blamed it on my eyes thinking it's just coz they're soooo tired that they have mistaken the 6 for a 5. i went to sleep.

i woke up this morning, feeling a tad bit disappointed still. i looked at the sms again. it's the same. the number did NOT change.


*sigh*



Went to school. i was starting to accept the fact that i've gotten band 5. and i was well, sort of getting contented about it. i mean, min requirement for local uni law in muet is band 5 so i am glad i actually scored band 5.

5 mins before the school bell ring to tell us to go home. a MUET teacher came into my class (we were having asian history) and started giving out our results slips. i collected mine though i know i am a band 5 but still..

So this is what i see..

  • 260-300 Band 6
  • 220-259 Band 5
  • 180-219 Band 4
  • 140-179 Band 3
  • 100-139 Band 2
  • Below 100 Band 1

I almost screamed "WHAT THE F***?!" in the class but i did screamed. i went like.. "5 MORE EFFING POINTS TO BAND 6!!".. it hit me like a ton of rocks.. it felt so close yet so far.. Now i'm a believer of this phrase..

I got home and then i felt even more disappointed in myself. I have been studying english my whole life. i've been writing essays, short stories, poems for the past 5 years of my life and this is what i got.. an EFFING band 5..

Then without me noticing, the tears started pouring down my face like waterfall.. and my heart ache and well, most of all, i feel sooooo disappointed.. Band 6 means a lot to me for god-knows-why.. *sigh* but i guess, i can't push my luck huh?

Disappointment, i guess, i've taken a small dose of it now.. and to be honest, it doesn't taste good at all.. heck it taste exactly like the pain of a heartbreak.. i am serious..

One lesson learned though, i need to work harder to achieve a much better result. No silly, i ain't resitting MUET. well, i m just gonna start working on for my real STPM. =)



*still feeling melancholic*

Friday, July 11, 2008

Guess What?

It's a friday and i'm at home. sweet. =D I skipped school.. nyah~ my purpose is to study at home, prepare for my trials but well, it has taken a huge twist! xD i set my alarm at 8.30am. it rang. when it was ringing, i was wondering who is calling me, my brain couldn't process the ringtone until..it does and i realize it was the alarm! hit the off button and went back to bed.

in the end, i woke up at 9.45am. =/ 1 hour and 15 mins later than i've planned.
i came down and saw a mess on the dining table. bowls, cups, newspapers. *sigh* it's gonna be a long day. i slowly creep into the kitchen and into the washing machine room to check if there's laundry. *prays there's none!* and lo behold! there is. *sigh* had my breakfast grudgingly thinking about the pile of laundry. then my work begins! clean the dining table. then do the laundry. Unlucky me, i stepped on Milo's SHIT with sandra's slippers while i m on the laundry. i think she'll blow when she finds out.

Then head upstairs to clean my table. it's about an inch of dust and hair. epp! and then, since i'm at it, i thought it'd be best if i clean the toilet as well. i finished everything about 1130am. *sigh* came online to chat with kristine, to find out later plannings but i think she's asleep. poor kristine, she's suffering insomnia. =/


People, MUET results are coming out next wednesday! eppp! why can't it be monday?! now, i m suffering sleepless nights thinking about it! *sniffs sniffs* Owh well, i'm hoping for the best. =) a band 5 is enough for me. =3
Owh well, my current addiction is Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park. It's nice though it sounds very very emo. I think it's a suitable song for graduation, non?

Song: Leave out all the rest
by: Linkin Park

I dreamed I was missing

You were so scared

But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared


After my dreaming I woke with this fear
What am I leaving When I'm done here
So if you're asking me I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me

And when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory


Leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Don't be afraid

I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed


Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well


Pretending Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are


[Chorus]
When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed


Don't resent me

And when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest


Forgetting

All the hurt inside

You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself

I can't be who you are

I can't be who you are


whee! ben's here! catch you guys soon!

Friday, July 4, 2008

Busydom.


Since there's what that calls STARDOM, i'm pretty sure there's a word called BUSYDOM too.

the horrible hair.



I am busy with.. NOT with studies though i tried my best to study at home and be a good girl but.. i'm always so sleepy and tired!

School this whole week was.. well, a bit non-existence as there weren't any class because we were just so busy with...


Carnival Day (5/7/08)
Venue: SMK Bandar Tun Hussein Onn 2, Bandar Tun Hussein Onn. (LOL) it's in Cheras!
Guests: Everyone is welcome to splurge on GAMES, FOOD and Our MINI CINEMA (yeash ppl! I'm working on that! it's my class project. =3 )


Can i say it's soooo NOT easy to make a two mini cinema outta two different size rooms! and there was a lot of work, i repeat, lots. Banners, pamplets, posters, the dvds itself, the room plan, the cleaning, wrapping the sweets, the bookings and etc! it was really really hectic!

i'm constantly on frustration when plans doesn't go well. and i'm more frustrated when the school doesn't watch movies like..



I'm Legend.


Stardust.



Blades of Glory.

like.. WTH?! Those are the best movies ever made! argh! okay, except blades of glory but it was still freaking funny! *sigh*

the preferred movies are..


Beranak Dlm Kubur. (huge hit)




Deadly Ghost. (average hit)


Kungfu Panda. (average hit)


I'm quite depressed really. all the movies i suggested wasn't even popular. why didn't it strike me to think like a malay since there're more malays in my school and they won't be interested in english movies whether it's will smith, michelle pfeiffer, robert de niro or which ever hollywood star. *sigh* as long as it's not brad pitt, nobody gives in shit in my school. =/


anyway, i'll update on tomorrow's activity! =)


before i go..




I love my hair!! xD I'm gonna curl it in August~ Nyah! xD