Here i am.
Always searching for quote. Looking for something meaningful that can be applied to me or others. I've found a few but it's forgotten minutes i've heard it. I am so not a quote person.
I am currently very lost. It's definitely not depression. Just an early 20's crisis. I've been avoiding too many questions that needed answers and right now i'm being confronted by one that determines my future whether i want it or not.
Right now, i feel like a doll *at least it sounds nicer than a puppet!*. A doll always smiles at you because that smile is painted on it. You don't see a doll that frowns in anger, confusion, concentration or sadness. no. you will not see it because it's not there. a smile painted on my face but deep inside, i'm lost in confusion and anger and everything altogether.
it's funny how things can be so superficial. On the exterior, things are so beautiful but how sure are you that the interior is actually quite as shown exteriorly? a beautiful red apple can fool you but one bite may tell you whether it is sweet or not. whether it's rotten inside or not. whether it is a pure breed or not. *eh, i am not saying i'm fake ah! =P*
and there's a reason for me for not updating frequently besides my blogger being messed up. it's because i have so much anger in me right now that, if i do blog, i'll end up lashing at almost everyone who.. well, contributed to this anger in me.
i am way past that age where it's called angst ridden teen. right now, i am an angst ridden young adult. wtf. angst ridden young adult.
i wanna go goth. black hair, black liner, black shadows, black nails, black clothings. thing is, i've lost my black hair, i can't do black shadows and liner without looking as though i've been punched and black clothing is NICE.
the reason for going goth? to show them that i am EMO. wtf. i haven't been emo in awhile. and right now i am going emo.
it's time. i know this time would come. i've been far too happy these 2 years and the time for me to emo has come. god, WHY now? i effing hate decision making. and i effing hate making the wrong decision not that i truly have. okay. i HAVE. but those isn't as life altering as this is.
And i am the the doll with the painted smile right now. they don't know how "poisoned" it is inside. because she's taking everything in and letting nothing out.
on the other hand, the optimistic part?
smiling is infectious; you catch it like a flu.
i feel like smiling from the inside. when is it coming back to me?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Hey steph! You doing okay? Holding up still? Though i dont quite know what's going on, but i hope u'll figure it out very soon kay :)
I was once there...but once the decision is made it feels like the burden is off the shoulders!
I think I may have made the wrong decision but who cares! I dont have to feel crappy abt having to make a decision...breathe and the air will come to you...
wtf! but you get what i mean.. *pats*
mel: i am so so only. but surviving. teehee. well, it's all about the same thing i faced 2 years ago. decision to choose my path in my life.
Kristine: at least u were there ONCE. i was there 2 years back and i am here AGAIN. it sucks. T_T
at least flora got off easy and doing that thing she wants to do. owh well. =/
Post a Comment