Blah Blah Blah.. Blah Blah Blahhh!

Here i am.

Always searching for quote. Looking for something meaningful that can be applied to me or others. I've found a few but it's forgotten minutes i've heard it. I am so not a quote person.

I am currently very lost. It's definitely not depression. Just an early 20's crisis. I've been avoiding too many questions that needed answers and right now i'm being confronted by one that determines my future whether i want it or not.

Right now, i feel like a doll *at least it sounds nicer than a puppet!*. A doll always smiles at you because that smile is painted on it. You don't see a doll that frowns in anger, confusion, concentration or sadness. no. you will not see it because it's not there. a smile painted on my face but deep inside, i'm lost in confusion and anger and everything altogether.

it's funny how things can be so superficial. On the exterior, things are so beautiful but how sure are you that the interior is actually quite as shown exteriorly? a beautiful red apple can fool you but one bite may tell you whether it is sweet or not. whether it's rotten inside or not. whether it is a pure breed or not. *eh, i am not saying i'm fake ah! =P*

and there's a reason for me for not updating frequently besides my blogger being messed up. it's because i have so much anger in me right now that, if i do blog, i'll end up lashing at almost everyone who.. well, contributed to this anger in me.
i am way past that age where it's called angst ridden teen. right now, i am an angst ridden young adult. wtf. angst ridden young adult.

i wanna go goth. black hair, black liner, black shadows, black nails, black clothings. thing is, i've lost my black hair, i can't do black shadows and liner without looking as though i've been punched and black clothing is NICE.

the reason for going goth? to show them that i am EMO. wtf. i haven't been emo in awhile. and right now i am going emo.

it's time. i know this time would come. i've been far too happy these 2 years and the time for me to emo has come. god, WHY now? i effing hate decision making. and i effing hate making the wrong decision not that i truly have. okay. i HAVE. but those isn't as life altering as this is.

And i am the the doll with the painted smile right now. they don't know how "poisoned" it is inside. because she's taking everything in and letting nothing out.

on the other hand, the optimistic part?

smiling is infectious; you catch it like a flu.

i feel like smiling from the inside. when is it coming back to me?

As Fate Would Have It.

Here's the thing, I didn't get accepted into any local uni. period.

I can't believe it. i mean, it's really hard to believe that there isn't a place in any of the local unis for me, not even a place in mass communication though if i were to get it, i wouldn't go for it. I mean like wtf? i didn't get the consolation prize, at all. *rolls eyes*

And, i was f-king disappointed. I lived the last 6 months, dreaming of the day where i finally get into UM doing my law degree. No i won't settle for the 2nd best, or at least i don't want to. It was a shock really. Most of the people didn't quite expected it especially my family members. They refused to believe me until my voice cracked from holding back tears, then they finally understood. Telling my dad was the hardest, i totally teared in front of him.

I never resented those ppl. but now i sort of do. no wonder everyone wants to leave the country. the country has nothing much to offer them. nope.

i've spend almost 2 years to get into uni. one and half preparing for it. and the other half waiting for it. but owh well. basically, friday was prolly one of the worst day of my life.

and i don't want to appeal. what's the point? it's like BEGGING to get in. And i don't want to. I am desperate but i'm NOT that desperate. and UM doesn't allow ppl to appeal for its law course. wtf. so i appealed for UKM and UiTM, my dad went as far as asking for help from ppl. (-_-") i asked them to leave MCA outta it. I don't want to appear in the newspaper for this ninny stuff. i am willing to bet, i am not the only one with this stupid problem. and i will not be the first to do that this year.

i know my abilities. afterall, a true gold will never be afraid of fire (some chinese saying). that's what my dad told me a long time ago. and i say bring on the LLB and CLP!

on the brighter side, maybe fate has decided a different path for me. =) So now, while waiting for the appeal results, i'm scouting pvt universities for law course. =) and also, my parents are having my back. =) that's great to know. and of course, bennie and my sisters too. =3

this is just another chapter of my life. and it has proven, life is not easy. i'm okay now. it took one day, friday for me to sort out all my feelings. right now, i m not that worried. financial may be a problem but, let's just follow the river flow right now and see what the future has in store for me. =)

just thought you guys should know what's happening.

and no, i didn't get the f-ing premiere tickets. haha. X)

Ben's Night. =)

my girls~ goes all the way back in high school! mel and kristine.



First of all, i'd like to thank everyone who made it to Ben's Loreal Search Finale. Your presence there was very much appreciated. =) It was a stressful day for not just ben but me as well though ben would have more pressure. X) It seems like a long day but it's not. In just a blink of an eye, it was all over.

the hunks are hot and the babes are gorgeous but of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and so am i. LOL. i can't say i'm very satisfied with the male winner as i really think that someone else ought to win *coughs*ben*coughs* lol. if not ben it could have been Luiz, Azim, or Hsien Lung, afterall, it was a talent search!

i enjoyed myself and i hope you guys did too.

the crowd was pretty big. =) everyone has got their own supporter and as biased as i am, i think that Luiz and Ben's has more supporters than the rest. X) afterall, you can see all the banners here and there. X) I can't say much about that night except for the pics which obviously you guys had seen it in kristine's facebook but for the sake of updating my blog. i shall post up the same pics but with diff caption. LOL.



sandra and i. the one who painted the better banner. =)



one of the hunks. =)




flora and i.




all the singlings, all the singlings~ okay, 2 not so single but the rest of the hotties are, anyone interested? =P



all the sweet ones. =)




in between two hot babes. what to do? what to do? =(



gripping the roses oh so tightly just incase someone snatched it from my hand. LOL.




jin the poser! =D




BEN!



Ben doing his thing to impress the judges.




all the finalists.




Ben and Luiz.



Li Kimli the cool chic.



Danusha and Nipaun. or.. er.. nvm. her guy dancer. they entertained the crowd really well! =) they should have won the best performance. =(




Hsien Lung. the guy who got a rose from kristine! =)




Elizabeth who sang and danced for the crowd. =)




Izzah and her hot moves.




Ben's solo. =)



Azim with his creative and real energetic moves. =D




crowd pleasers! =P





Ben winning the most voted dude title. =D




Izzah the female winner. =)




Season 2 and Season 3 winners.

after the whole thing, mamak of course! we didn't have our dinner! X)


kong,mel and me~




ee mun the cutie and i, stephie. LOL.



Kristine and i.



flora, kong and steph.




Leonard, Kristine, Stephie.


The reason why i didn't update any sooner is because my blogger's having some problem. I might have to change my blog address and create a new account which is a hassle. i'll see how long i can stand it being this way. not being able to choose my font, font size and paragraph. and of course, only able to upload pic one by one seeing it's only the pic's html appears when i upload a pic. if i upload five in one go, it'll be so confusing. so i've spend a total of 2 hours updating this post. epp. owh well. =)

will update you guys soon with the uni results which i'd know by friday. wish me luck! =)

I Can't Get Enough Of Transformers

Actually, I’ve never heard of Transformers till 2 years back.


I was kinda skeptical about the movie since it involves with cars changing into robots and back then, Shia Labeouf and Megan Fox wasn’t even the IT thing. But then since Steven Spielberg is one of the producer of it, I supposed it is like this hot thing going on? Plus I so enjoyed the Jurassic Park franchise.. *okay, just the 1st 2 movies, the 3rd one was just so so*


And what made it more intriguing was my younger sister, who is this computer buff who doesn’t enjoy movies as much as I do, *ahem ahem* , watched it in the cinema for god-knows-how-many-times with her friends. Besides that, the tickets were always running out like roti boy’s buns. So, I had no choice but to purchase the ticket showing on a weekday, and it was practically sold out even at the ungodly hour of 4pm. I was so desperate that I grabbed whatever that was available. The seats weren’t even that good. =(



not the main reason for watching it in the cinema.


I was tired as it was a schooling day but the movie was so action-packed that it got me sitting up straight on my seat the whole time it was going on.



also not the main reason for watching transformers.


So why can’t I get enough of Transformers? It’s not because of Shia Lebeouf *okay, maybe he plays a tiny wee bit role in my reason*, it’s not because of Megan Fox though she’s super hot, hotter than Nicole Schzinger. It’s because of.. BUMBLEBEE!



the main reason for wanting more of transformers.


The super cute yellow robot that is so huge yet with the childish attitude! Yeah, that one is the real attention grabber. I can’t get enough of Bumblebee. It was kinda sad when he got captured by humans and Sam Witwicky was trying to protect the cute huge thing. That part sorta stirs the emotion. It’s amazing how a human and a robot can form such friendship that is better than human friendship itself. Can I stress again that Bumblebee is so so so adorable?!


Owh, besides Bumblebee, the next attention grabber is Optimus Prime, the leader of Autobots! The huge thing with really striking red and blue color is really manly. I mean, of course he’s manly, he’s the leader which leads the rest of his team to fight Megatron, which like super huge?


The next thing that I really like is the spider-like. The damn annoying thing? Well without that robot, the movie would have been a little dull. I mean every movie needs a trouble maker for the heroes and heroines. X)


And the scene which I like the best is when all the robots made a trip to Sam’s house to retrieve the glasses which is the clue to the cube. One of the robots accidently tripped and fell (I think it was Bumblebee),thus creating a rumble which was like a mini earth quake. And the next classic thing that happens is Sam’s dad hiding in a bathtub thinking it’s a real earth quake.


So please give me the tickets to the premiere? Please please please? X) I really can’t get enough of the movie and I think Revenge of the Fallen is gonna be huge and more action packed than the first one.


The trailer itself looks really interesting, I can’t imagine how the movie would be like. Perhaps, it’s gonna be a bomb in the box office. ;)

Let's party this meaningless party and play that meaningless chess game.

yesterday i was blog hopping, then i came across lyndy's blog. her latest post is about life and how it's like through her own eyes.

and you know what? i so agree with her. after reading it, i thought of something like hers.

to me, life's like a masquerade party. you go to that grand party and you'll see lots of people. guys in tux of different colour and shades, girls in dresses that is either so glamorous or trashy. it's like a first impression thing, you see people of all shapes and sizes just like how you see people in tux and dresses.

and then you start introducing yourself to these people in their masks. their masks are either scary, beautiful, outrageous or unique. and.. you start to wonder, what's really behind that mask? how does that person look like without it? does the face behind it suit the mask he/she is wearing? and by that, i am meaning the personality. the same person in the mask you've met would wear another mask to another party. so you see, in different situation, people wears a different mask.

and why we're all so complicated? to survive. to survive, we need that mask to fit in. to survive, we need to dance to the music being played. to survive, we need to play that boring chess game.

yes, life's also like a chess game whether you like it or not.

at times you're the master of the game and at times you'll stump so low that you're just a mere pawn.

and so, right now, you're playing your game well. i can see it. i'm pretty sure you know i know. continue to play your game well dear, i believe you've yet to meet the real master. she may be a pawn right now? but who knows what's the outcome? you could be the queen and she the pawn but who knows it's the other way round?

or maybe, she's the master in her game, and you are yours. and you guys are just mere pawns in each other's game.

hmm, i'll be watching. oh sure you're winning right now. right now. but we'll see. =)

Couple Meme! *got it from Timothy Tiah's blog*

Okay people. Before you proceed on reading, can you please click on the adverts? please? please please please? pretty please? =3 Owh, and btw, i am updating my blog with two posts today so scroll down for more yeah? =) though it is pretty much all about ben and i. you guys are gonna be sick. mwahahaha. XD So it's time for couple meme~ =) yeash, today's our 2nd anniversary, and more to come i hope. =3 Here it goes~
*~ Tell us about the first time you met and your first impression of him/her:

Well, we met through friendster before meeting up on 1st of june 2007. =) we were playing "hide and seek" in MPH which i stupidly walk into him. and i was thinking, "wow, he looks better in person!" and he has got the most friendliest smile. *cheh wah!* X)

*~ What's a weird habit or quirk that he has?

his weird habit? *thinks* not that i can think of. maybe his love for cleaning. teehee~

*~ What makes him sad?

whenever we argue. =( it makes me sad too! and whenever i do things that disappoints him. =(

*~ What makes him angry?

urhm. stupid drivers. little things that makes him frustrated.

*~ What excites him?

eh? computer games! especially rayman! he can do a really good imitation of it!

~* Tell us something funny about him?

owh, just the other day he wanted to let this big one *ps:fart.* and he was telling me he needed to do that and it's gonna have a sound. so i was like okay, just do it outside my room. and then we were talking, suddenly he stood up and walked out of my room and i followed him, giggling. he just stood outside and ask me to go back in and i said, just fart lar. *i always laugh at my family members whenever it's a loud one* and well, he was so shy, it didn't came. teehee~ he thinks it's still too early to fart around each other. XD given that, i'd have been shy too. =P

~* What's he like at home?

he's a good son. always helping out his parents doing stuff. =) he's quite himself. =)

~* What's he like at work/school?

he's VERY serious when it comes to serious stuff. he doesn't fool around and apparently, he's sort of like a tyrant in his old school. but he's really a sweetheart. =)

*~ Describe his room

his room in klang is really neat and clean. he has got a lot of pillows on his bed. his room in subang is.. clean but messy. i think i influenced him a great deal. his room in subang i mean. =P

*~ What's his best friend like?

owh, tom is a really nice person. =) kinda blur at times but easy to communicate with. ben always bully tom. =/

*~ Do you know who he hates the most?

hmmm, not really. he dislikes quite a few ppl. but i dont think it is really bad till i should make note of it.

*~Have you met his exes?

haha. no. they aren't friends no more.

*~ Do his parents like you?

urhm, that you have to ask him. =(

*~ What's the first thing he would do or say if he fell down and scraped his knee?

F*CK! but it's not like he'll make a big deal outta it.

~* What would he do in an emergency situation with other people involved?

he would be the one taking control and stuff. he's not those bystander that watch the whole thing. he'll be the one telling people what to do and all. =)

*~ Which shop would he spend most of the time at in a shopping mall?

urhm, there isnt a shop in particular which he would waste his time on. but he usually spends a lot of time looking at kitchenware if we so happen to pass by. =/

*~ What would he have for a typical breakfast?

eggs? milk if possible or milo. not too sure. coz usually if he's here, we'd either go McD or mamak.

*~ Where would he want to go for dinner?

if we're in klang, it would be D'Tavern in Port Klang, if we're out, it depends. =) he's not a picky eater like yours truly. =D

*~ What kind of movie would he choose at the cinema?

action packed! X) war movies, sci-fi, comedy! anything BUT horror. teehee~

*~ Describe his taste in music?

he's pretty random like me. we can go anything from oldies to modern hits. =)

*~ If he wasn't going out with you, who would he be going out with?

some hot chick. LOL. well, he'd be going out with someone from his coll. i've asked him that question before. but since he's with me, i say it's not so nice to mention who's that girl. *winks*

*~ What item in his wardrobe would you like to burn?

nothing. =) he has a pretty normal dressing sense. =3

*~ What is he good at?

talking! LOL. he's good at cheering ppl up. =) and he's practically good at everything. there isn't a thing that he can't do.

*~ What is he totally horrible at?

controlling his mood swings. =(

*~ What's something about him that is annoying/infuriating?

urh, his mood swings only. and sometimes talking about sensitive stuffs. he's just being too honest. =/

*~ What's something that you two fundamentally disagree on?

a lot of ninny stuff ler. but it's not that bad. hahaha.

*~What's something that you two agree whole-heartedly on?

that person is a **********? =P

*~ Is he possessive?

owh yeah, he is but just enough. =D and i don't mind. i like that a lot. =D

*~ Why would he succeed in life?

he's both street-wise and book-wise. =) an all rounder that can practically do everything that he put his mind on.

*~ What is the coolest gift that he has ever given you?

it would be everything. =) and of course, the most fragile thing ever, his heart. <3

*~ What does he avoid at all costs?

hahaha! those beautiful things that flutters all over the place. *winks*

*~What does he spend the most money on?

me. hahaha. just kidding! he spends his money randomly and usually it is to make people happy. =)

*~ Describe his typical Sunday.

if he's with me, we woud have breakfast and then he'll proceed on bringing me out for movie or shopping. if he's back in klang, he would be doing chores and studying, completing his assignments. =3

*~ Why would he be dangerous?

he.. he.. = = he fights well and he bashes up people. there's this thief that wanted to rob him ended up being beaten by him badly. according to ben, he might have broken that thief's nose.

*~Tell us about a time he looked absolutely gorgeous

urhm. whenever he's all dressed up, he looks really good. =) especially yesterday. i've never seen him wearing pink. he think pink's for gays. i say real man knows how to flaunt pink! =D

*~ What's something about him that would surprise all of his friends?

he's a real softie at heart. i've seen it. XD and and.. he loves ****** too! and gives him kisses as well! XD

*~ What do you love most about him?

well, i love him for him. =) but what i love about him the most is his giving nature. he's always there to help and he's really generous. *ok, sometimes he's quite kiamsiap aso but let's not talk abt that* and his way of going all out to make ppl happy. his grandma loves him lots. she told me that ben's like his dad. a great guy with a big heart. Awwwww. =)

*~ The biggest lesson you have learnt from loving your soulmate.

he taught me a lot of things but most of all, i am learning to be as thoughtful as him. =) his giving nature is so beautiful that i'd really like to be like him but then, of course, to a certain degree where i won't lose my own personality or turn out to be a photocopy of him. and i've learnt to be more confident with myself. i feel really secured when i'm with him. there is not a moment where jealousy is at play. =)