What if...?

The deadliest question of life..

WHAT IF?

I realize in my whole life, i've been asking that question a lot while making my own decisions. What if i had chosen that path? what if i had done this, done that? the list goes on and on.. I admit i'm a coward. I am a coward in making my own life decisions. I am afraid of choosing the wrong path, doing things i'm not made of. in another word, i'm a indecisive. But i have made a few of my own. I think. So far, i'm happy with it. No doubt the path had been layout for me but come to think of it, in the end, i'm doing what i want to do instead of doing what i want to do but yet it's against my conscience.

i'm afraid being scolded. =(


There are things where i HAD wish i've done it. Yeap, sometimes i look back in regret why didn't i do that? why can't i be more responsible of things i'm suppose to be of? And then there are times, i wish i hadn't done it at ALL. Such as.. squeezing a pimple before going out.. (-_-") that is my deepest regret each time i squeeze a spot and it became really red and swollen. and i NEVER learn from that mistake. WHY? coz each time i see the one annoying boil, my hands ITCH. I repeat, they ITCH to squeeze it out!!! But that's so not the point. =/


well, as the rain was beating softly against my window pane, i stare out and wonder, how come i didn't really miss smkbbsl..? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? Surprisingly enough, that school left me with.. more of.. bitter and sour memories instead of sweet ones.. weird enough eh? the only sweet memories i had in that school is having my great ones around me. =) *you guys should know who are you*, i seriously enjoyed you guys's company although i'm never the talker nor the center of attraction. =3


Besides that, i got a seriously nice glass for Sandra which lays forgotten on the coffee table BUT it has a really nice message..

Life is a little glass of memory, fill it with the people worth remembering.

I got it for her while she went through some bad patch in life. And i was wondering, how come these words that i needed so much never came to me?

It's better to try then never try before and looking back asking the what ifs.. *quoted from Melody~*

Another phrase which made me like.. O.O! and all the heartache and regrets went away because we're all always tormented by that silly question.. WHAT IF? Looking back, i made a few bad choices. I made bad decisions. I regretted them but they are what made me who i'm today. bad choices, bad decisions, walking down the wrong route.. I may be still naive but i think i've improved a lot.. less naive... but i still lack the skill of looking through people but i'm getting there.. I m seriously getting there.. i THINK.

they mean so much to me.

he gave me a whole new meaning of happiness.


I know i've been neglecting you guys lately. Never come online to chat. Never update when i promised to update. Never sms. Never initiate a conversation. BUT that doesn't mean i don't need you guys anymore. I still do. It's just the comp is sort of breaking down. I have less time to come online as i'm almost dead from exhaustion each time i come home from school and i need my beauty sleep. After that, it's all about homework.. and preparation for school the next day.. It's.. a lifeless life for now.. BUT i have to live wit it.. Given the choice, of course i wish it's holiday again! =)

i can't say i'm fully who i'm now. i'll be fully who i am when i'm old and wrinkly with a few grandkids running about. i know in the future i MIGHT make bad decisions again but what the heck.. to hell with the what if question!!

Btw, i wanted to update about a wedding dinner last saturday but due to lack of media as in my pics, i can't so you guys have to wait. =P

What is it..?

I was doing a quiz on what kind of love do i have on facebook. and this is what i got.

Angel Love You fall in love quickly and easily.You give so much in a relationship, and you don't expect much in return. You love always seeing your lover and you just love them as they are.You have a huge desire to whomever you love and you stay in love forever.

I have to say it's pretty true except for the fall in love easily and quickly. Do i? Do i? *thinks* maybe i do sometimes, when i was much younger but not now i suppose. =P because i'm in love. =)
love shape tong yuen by sandra.

I stumbled upon a damn touching article yesterday but then come to think of it, it really doesn't apply to reality anymore or am i simply losing touch with my fairytales already?

The story was about this two old aged separated ex lover waiting for their love to be rekindled again. They were separated when they were in their teens and they did try to look for a replacement but never succeeded because their feeling for each other was just so strong that they refused to get married with other ppl just for the sake of getting married and having a life most people wanted. They met in an oldfolk's home after so many years. They were still single. And they waited because their love for each other.

Then they got married. End of story. But the thing is, they waited so long. For me, it's like an eternity wait for that person and yet, theirs is worth it. But in reality, how many people are willing to wait and to love from afar? I mean, i have read those sunday articles, husband cheating of wife, wife cheating on husband.. it just doesn't quite make sense now does it? =/




I am thinking a little too much lately. But don't get me wrong, i do trust Ben a lot. =) but what i'm trying to state here is, does such couple exist? or is it just a friction of our mere imagination of how true love should be?

The Notebook by Nicholas Spark, *I hope i got the author's name right*, speaks of the same story but less waiting but the couple's love lasted till the end of their days even when his wife has Alzheimer and forgot about who she is and who the husband is. Without getting irritated nor annoyed, he always reminds her of the past although he knew well enough that she might not recall it at all.

the happy ending though the groom is looking funny. =P

Anyway, last two weeks, i went for my aunt's birthday dinner at Imbi Palace at.. Imbi Road. KL seriously changed so much! Especially Imbi Road, omg, i could barely recognize the place anymore besides those flats! hahaha!

It was fine dining chinese cuisine. *sigh* i don't like fine dining, i'd rather grab the food that i'd like to eat in the middle of the table but i can't complain since i wasn't the one footing the bill.

The food was okay. but the desert! *smiles* it was heavenly!!!

the mango pudding.

Which Sandra said would send me up up and away into the starry night which i was kind of skeptical at 1st because she don't really like food. BUT! She was speaking the truth. I was savoring it slowly, enjoying the mango taste! X3

the dim sum.

Love the green stuff. sweet and soft. X3 but i don't know what is it called.. =/ i wonder if those pasar malam actually sell them. I don't expect the same quality but i hope it's the same type!

FINALLY saw Alvin and The Chipmunks trailer, can't wait to get my hands on the dvd now! I'm waiting for tomorrow night! Pray it doesn't rain people! X3

Just updated. For the sake of updating. This 2 post shall keep you guys for this whole week! Till the next post people~ =P

ps: eh! notice this is the 1st post without a pic of me nor ben?!

Once Upon A Time..

There was a girl by the name of Stephanie Lee. She was a homey kid. She knows nothing of the world at the age of 8. She was VERY VERY innocent and a little retarded. However, she values friendship and she was very law abiding sort of person for she's afraid of punishment and she is still "very" law abiding now.

Anyway, i suppose you guys read in the newspaper about a 15 year old kid fell to his death in school and his cousin suspected foul play for he had been a victim of bully.

I was a victim too when i was 8. I am supposed to be embarrassed about it BUT i am damn proud of my STUPIDITY too.


yeash. me. a victim of bully and extortion.


Like i've said. I was a kid. I was 8. I was stupid.. naive and totally clueless. You can't blame me. Afterall, i was protected like a princess since i was a few months old. So you get the idea. I don't deny i do live a little like a princess now, i mean i don't need to do the cooking and stuff. I help around.. a lil.. >.<


the innocence.


So back to my story, i had a friend. Her name is J. Well, i don't wanna say her name, just in case this long lost person stumbled upon my blog and read the whole story and i embarrassed her like shit then it wouldn't be good would it? no no. it wouldn't be good.

so yeah, she was appointed to be the class monitor. I was well, like the steph i was back then and like the steph i am now, happy for her. However, one day, she came to me and went like..

J: You have to give me rm5 everyday to spend.
S aka me : huh? O_O why?
J: If you don't want me to report your name to the teacher for being noisy.

now, i was a totally noisy kid back then. and i was stupid. (-_-")

S: *meekly* okay..

So, guess what i did? Each day i took rm5 for her from my own piggy bank. Yes, i had a MICKEY MOUSE piggy bank back then. And i took another extra rm5.. for.. i don't know what. So anyways, it went on for ONLY 2 days.

my piggy bank looks nothing like this. xD


Then my dad caught me taking money from my piggy bank. He was like.. "Dear, what are you doing?" I replied damn casually of what happened " Well, J asked me to give her rm5 each day." my dad was shocked. He asked me why do i have to do so. and i told him the whole thing. Then he asked me.. "How much have you given her?" I said "rm20".. I was bad at maths. I WAS seriously THAT BAD. *I had only given her rm 10, and the other rm10, i spend on other stuff but since my maths was bad, i credited my own spending into her account*

My dad was kind. He complained to the class teacher for her power abuse. He complained to her mum about her extorting money from me. and guess what? Her post was taken away from her and she had to pay me back rm20 from her own pocket.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Take that, IDIOT! xD So in a way, i was sooooo PROUD of my STUPIDITY in counting. Of course she was furious. She had only taken rm10 from me and i claimed she had taken rm20! hahahaha! what goes around comes around babeh~ and it goes back DOUBLE DOSE!

i am still bimbotic. But who cares? bimbotic has its own benefit at TIMES.


For awhile, i was ashamed for being so stupid. Thinking back, hey, i was stupidly smart in a way! xD after awhile, we stopped being friends after that incident~ Owh well, her lost is my gain. MWAHAHAHAHA!

Being a victim of bully, does not only classified as physical abuse or only appear from the outside, it can be in any form. taunting, spreading rumors, embarassing a person or extorting money or whatever from another person is considered as bully in the mentally kinda way. =/

Anyway, just wanna share a bad childhood memory with you guys. *winks* i nvr wanna talk about it, but well, it's okay to talk about it.. ONCE in awhile. =P especially i had my own SWEET revenge.

Shopping Madness.

So, I said, i've decided to do my Chinese New Year shopping earlier this year because i had been doing SOOOO last minutes ones for the past few years, so i THINK it's time to start early for choosy people like me. What to do? I ain't a Harajuku gal. I ain't lala gal. I ain't following the taiwanese sense of dressing. I am Stephanie and it's getting hard to stay that way with those harajuku style catching up with the westerners. *shakes head* and i'm small sized. petite. PIFFIE! >=3


i love myself.


Anyway, I bugged Ben to bring me go shopping. the cash didn't come from my own pocket so.. TEEHEE! but that doesn't mean i spend it all on branded stuff. I spend it WISELY. Ask Ben if you don't believe! So off we go for our shopping. Went to some warehouse where they have all those branded stuff on 90% off! whoppeee! but sadly those levi's jeans were SOLD OUT! NUUUU! At the end, Ben managed to get a few shirts from levi's and quicksilver.. talk about unfairness!


the vainee!


Anyway, i seriously had nothing to blog about. I don't think shopping, just shopping is gonna make into an interesting post. Hmm, while i was having lunch at burger king, i saw someone which i've viewed her profile before, she seems familiar la BUT she was staring at me too. I was thinking, am i that weird looking?! Owh well, and i swear I saw someone who looks exactly like fish leong! You don't know her? OMG! Go here and click on IMAGES. Type her name.

I didn't take a pic of her la of course. Later people think i'm a lesbian or something. as it's bad enough i got stared in burger king, i don't wanna attract more attention than i already have. (ps: I meant attention from BEN, Sandra and The Gal Who Stared At Me)

Shopping is always a real tiring event for me. I sometimes hate shopping for new year because.. well, because, i don't really like waiting in line just to try on the clothes i've pick and get turned off by the freaking prices. The one who I totally sympathize that day is Ben, not only he has to follow me and sandra around, he had to carry a bottle and our bags. Especially my handbag when he is waiting for me. =(

mr.benjamin tan

Though Sandra and i shopped the longest, Ben got the most stuff in about an hour to 2 hours time. I love his shirt from Zara~ xD (ps: i find SOME chinese guys in long sleeved shirt looks yummyliciousz).

In the end, I only managed to get a Red top and a skirt in that few hours of walking. Sandra only got ONE freaking top. I plan on continuing it this weekend! Ben can be excused if he wants to. =P (ps: he said i was soooooo into shopping that i sorta neglected him. =( Sorry Dear! )

D'lish. I love the cupcake from there. The heavenly taste of the chocolate. You'll ask for more. I've said it once, i am NOT ashamed to say it TWICE or thrice or more than that. D'lish should seriously pay me for sorta advertising them! eesh!

The D'lish Cupiecake.

the eaten cupcake and the artist.


her artwork.


Besides the cupcake in D'lish, I also love the lighting! seriously! it makes YOU look SO much better in pictures. and therefore, i shall..

uh huh.


we, i mean me. i m getting so predictable!

oops! sorry! but i don't miss a chance posting up pictures of the good lookings so, well, she's SINGLE! =P


Though i just advertised my sister. No, she's NOT for sale. Nor is she available for anything. You want her number? 012-90***** . go figure yourself. =P

Anyway, i better be off now. Sleepy. My sleep is calling out to me and i shall bid you, my fair readers goodnight...though it's 3pm in the afternoon... teehee~!

Sometimes..

We can't blame on other ppl for what happened.

We can't blame god for what happened.

We can't blame on ourselves either.

AND

We certainly have NO right to condemn on people.

BUT!

We are mere humans. We do things we shouldn't do. We get rebellious. Some of us has sympathy in us. Some of us, not realizing how much pain we add to their grieve, blame it on them.


catch me if you can.


Just last year, the whole nation went into shocked over the death of Nurin Jazni, and this week, we're all send into panic over Sharlinie's disappearance.

Again, we blame on the parents for her disappearance.

When i read abt Nurin, I WAS blaming her parents, thinking that they were so ignorant to let their gal run about and go pasar malam alone. Yes, i was thinking that way. Then when they released the further detailed story of what happened. I was still thinking, why did they even let her out? she's still a kid! a small, fragile and easily abducted kid!

However, i stop blaming once i put myself in their shoes. They have lost their dear daughter and some of us are blaming them for it. As if, the pain of losing their kid is not enough, we have to condemn them as well. It's unfair.




The media has done its best on educating parents on how to prevent such thing from happening again and yet, and yet, another kid went missing being abducted by another person who tried to lure her with sweets.

I personally ,again, blame it on the parents for letting the kids go to the playground alone but yet again, their anxiety for their kids made me think twice. It's their fault in a way and it's not in another. Nobody wanted it to happen, that's for sure.

Like i've said, the media has done its best over the last case. Now, i think it's time to make stricter laws. In my opinion, i think these law perpetrators aren't afraid of the law conviction. So we should do something better.




Though it's inhumane. But i think it MIGHT be the best way to keep those sick ppl's hand off other ppl's life.

A life for a life. I think that would stop these sick tootie by killing them off one by one. =/ it's true! who wants to die? especially these ppl who deserves to die for the crime they've committed. who ever gave them the permission to be god? to decide who to live and who to die next? Putting them behind the bars, getting whipped doesn't work anymore. These sick tooties aren't afraid of it, but i believe, the death sentence is definitely going to control their sadism. When i say a life for a life, i mean it. cis. they deserve it anyway for taking away someone else's life. this sentence is good for murderer. No, i don't believe in second chances in this case. i don't and i may never be.

As for those rapists? I think they deserved to be castrated. That would keep other rapists-to-be at bay. enough said. They think they can go anywhere and stuck their pole up their victim's?! castrate them for causing a lifetime trauma for the victims. I think that would seriously work. inhumane as it sounds but yeah, since putting them behind bars and whipping doesn't scare them, castrating them would.

For rapists cum murderer. we shall 1st castrate them and then put them to death sentence. HAH! that would SOOOOO teach them a lesson!


Okay, so i'm the one that sound like a total sadistic now but hey, my sadism is for a better generation. However, as much as i like the sound of my opinions.. i doubt it's ever gonna be approved by the human right's organization or whatever.. *shrugs* it's totally brutal which i freaked myself out too.

I m sick of reading news of gals, woman, getting abducted, raped, murdered or released with a lifetime trauma. I m so sick that some people aren't doing their job in catching these sick tooties, and they're catching people speeding in the highway instead. oh i m so sick of them.





I remember the past. I always will. The trauma. The pain. The grieve they had to suffer. I seen it. I felt it. The anger. The outburst. I will never forget.

Sorry for my outburst of emotion. It's just well, a random thing. =/

As Promised..~

Recently, someone told me he enjoyed reading my blog!! *Steph feeling super happy*, well, hey, my blog speaks ntg but abt me. talking abt it, i feel sorta self centred but owh well..

School started. I am damn sure it's gonna be a one hell of a busy year ahead. but i know i'm not alone. looking for tuition class now, so far we've got econs but we definitely need business studies and general studies. =(


this is what the yummyliciouszes do.


Hmmm, I've got nothing much to say but i've found a few interesting quotes in darren's blog. =) visit him by just clicking at the link on my right. =) he's one of my lovely ones. *shudders*

one totally apply to me! it says : Never break four things in your life - trust, promise, relation and heart because when they break, they don't make a lot of noise BUT pain.

the next one : winning doesn't always mean being the first, winning means doing better than you've done before. (this one sure knock in my head~!)

everyone thinks of changing the world but nobody ever thought of changing himself.
(definitely true! the world would be a better place if we're all a better person!)


the city at night.

So anyway, i lost my ring recently! =( it fell of my finger while i was taking the key ring off from my finger! =( -sigh- but Ben, being a nice person that he is, bought me another one. =D

My dad got a new puppy! it's DARK red in colour! Guess what i named it?! GUESS ppl!

Okay fine, i'll tell, it's named MILO. I was the one who named it after the jack russell terrier in the movie the mask. teehee! there's absolutely NO resemblance but WHO cares? it's sooooo adorable!


~*Baby Milo*~


he has got the most soulful eyes. =3

I sooooooooo adore baby milo! i sense a vain puppy in the making! X3

as much as i love playing with baby milo, i had to study too. yeahhh, i had to revise ALL the subjects so that i have some idea what's going on. =/ i soooooo hate microeconomy. somebody shoot me please?


no. i wasn't smiling. my lips is original that way. yeash, it curls up at the side n made me look as though i'm smiling coz the text is soooo easy. bleh!


Whatever it is, i get bored easily and so i took a pic of a new beauty which stays on my finger most of the time. =P


*hums a tune* love! love! love!


Owh well, i guess that's all for today, i'll NOT update that often anymore as i find my life getting rather ORDINARY.

btw, i had my first taste of power today. it's pretty sweet. mwahahahaha! last year i was ordered to do stuff, this year.. I ORDER juniors around.. KYAHAHAHAH! SWEET...! just kidding! =) order them to do their job properly that's all. no tortures or whatever sadistic thoughts that's playing and going around in your head. =D

I better be going off~ need to shower and continue revising for tomorrow~ au revoir ppl! =)



i'll always be Stephanie Lee Shen Ling. Don't you worry about me changing too much. i won't. i promise. =)

The Career Choices Based ON My Personality

The reason for me to be at home today when i'm supposed to be in school.. : FEVER.
Just woke up not too long ago and decide to go blog hopping. teehee. xD anyway, i saw Kristine's blog and the quiz she took and i decide to give it a try. Here's the result. =D

*************************************************************************************************

You would be very happy in a career that utilized your level-headedness, and allowed you to work mainly on your own. You want a career that allows you to be creative, without having to be involved with lots of people. Some careers that would be perfect for you are:

• Artist (if only i could draw XD )
  
• Historian (most boring job ever suggested to me!)
  
• Banker ( banker.. BANKER!!)
  
• Novelist (thought of it but NAHH! not many succeeded like JK Rowling)
  
• University Professor ( HAHAHAHAAH!)
  
• Photographer (don't mind this choice at all! =3 )
  
• Vet (nya nya nya~ did thought of it too! =D )
  
• Paralegal ( aiming to be a lawyer instead of the sidekick.. =P )
  
• Graphic Designer
  
• Online Content Developer
  
• Webmaster
  
• Producer (teehee!)
  
• Managing Director
  
• Nutritionist
  
• Advertising
  
• Nursing
  

You like working and being alone. You like to avoid attention at all costs. You tend to keep to yourself, and not interact much with the people around you. You enjoy spending time with a few a close friends. You like to listen to others, but don't like sharing much about yourself. You are very quiet and private.

You are very practical, and only act after thinking things through. You don't like being forced to answer quickly. You have to evaluate the situation completely. You make decisions based on what you can verify with your senses.

You like to be deeply involved in one or two special projects. You like to be behind the scenes. You are very logical and fair. You feel you should be honest with others and protect their feelings.

You trust your gut instincts. You are easily inspired and trust that inspiration. You are very innovative. You analyse things by looking at the big picture. You are concerned about how what you do affects others. You worry about your actions and the future. You tend to use a lot of metaphors and are very descriptive and colourful in your choice of language.

You are very creative, and get bored easily if you don't get to express yourself. You like to learn new things. You don't like the same old routine. You like to leave your options open.

*************************************************************************************************

I don't about you guys but this test seriously explained a lot about me! xD look at the highlighted ones. I think it's seriously describing about me.

Anyway i better get back to bed. I am feeling nauseous and dizzy. epp!

give it a try at http://quiz.ivillage.co.uk/uk_work/tests/career.htm

My New Year Resolutions~

me.after midnight. 1.30 am of 1/1/08~

The headache. the sorethroat. the ulcers. the pimples. the annoying heatiness of my body! urgh!

anyway, i had a blast celebrating the new year with my pals. =) it was just a simple gathering with playing cards and dares. I was one of the planner and surprisingly ben and i were the last to arrive! hahaha!

as we're the last, we got bullied by the one and only, Kristine Thong, that dudette hid behind the door, i was like "KRISTINEEEE!". . she jumped up and went "WAHHHHHHH!!" i was screaming, ben was screaming... LOUDER... *giggles* .. u should see the look on ben's face.. PURE white with shocked.. xD and pure cuteness! xD

anyway, last night was great with all the fun and laugher. =) i seriously didn't imagine i'd get to spend the last day of 2007 with my dudettes and dudes. xD all the ex smkbbsl students and a few addition which made the crowd so much merrier! =)

i was afraid of fire since i was a kid. even tis safe ones. -sigh- but i love it still. =)



the one pic which clearly shown my fear. xD

The bad thing about last nite was, we didn't camwhore much but i still got my.. *ahem ahem* new year kiss~ which they say.. it'd promise a sweet year ahead.. *blush*

us.after the party. i love our pearly whites! hahaha!

Anyway, i have made my new year resolutions, i plan to stick with them as much as possible but if i couldn't i'm sure someone who make sure i'd.. =P

here goes the list~*

i WILL :

~* NOT neglect BEN and CLOSSIES because of my studies
~* study smart.. and hard too!
~* NOT study at last minute..
~* be prepared for my STPM
~* be nice to everyone including annoying people.. i HOPE..
~* say THANK YOU to everyone like BEN. =3
~* stop complaining too much
~* start living a healthy lifestyle. not so much junkies. exercise. eat lots of vege and fruit. drink lots of water. sleep early.
~* listen to teacher's teachings eventhough their voice can send me into DREAMLAND in zero seconds.


vaineee!

~* sayang my "new" doggie more. ~* learn how to COOK! ~* finish up all my assignments.
~* NOT procrastinate things to do!
~* try to enjoy life as much as possible
~* smile at people WORTH smiling at. =P
~* improve my driving skills. *ben says it's horrible!*
~* camwhore a lot.
~* STOP spending TOO much.


our lala-fied pose! xD


Anyway, dad was talking to me earlier..

dad: shen~ school's starting, no more hanging out too much, must study hard and give your best shot. after this year you'll be alright.

shen: okay pa..~

dad: i know you'll do your best. afterall, you've shown me you're mature in your thinking at times. i know how you handle things.

shen:.. *teary*..

at the same time.. i was thinking.. MATURE?!!?!?! since WHEN?! if only he know how childish i act around Ben and Sandra at times.. =X he'll faint.. seriously..

Anyway, i guess that's all for today. Afterall, i have a pretty good feeling some of you are bored of pics of me, me and ben.. it's endless.. hyiak hyiak hyiak..! xD