What if...?

The deadliest question of life..

WHAT IF?

I realize in my whole life, i've been asking that question a lot while making my own decisions. What if i had chosen that path? what if i had done this, done that? the list goes on and on.. I admit i'm a coward. I am a coward in making my own life decisions. I am afraid of choosing the wrong path, doing things i'm not made of. in another word, i'm a indecisive. But i have made a few of my own. I think. So far, i'm happy with it. No doubt the path had been layout for me but come to think of it, in the end, i'm doing what i want to do instead of doing what i want to do but yet it's against my conscience.

i'm afraid being scolded. =(


There are things where i HAD wish i've done it. Yeap, sometimes i look back in regret why didn't i do that? why can't i be more responsible of things i'm suppose to be of? And then there are times, i wish i hadn't done it at ALL. Such as.. squeezing a pimple before going out.. (-_-") that is my deepest regret each time i squeeze a spot and it became really red and swollen. and i NEVER learn from that mistake. WHY? coz each time i see the one annoying boil, my hands ITCH. I repeat, they ITCH to squeeze it out!!! But that's so not the point. =/


well, as the rain was beating softly against my window pane, i stare out and wonder, how come i didn't really miss smkbbsl..? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? Surprisingly enough, that school left me with.. more of.. bitter and sour memories instead of sweet ones.. weird enough eh? the only sweet memories i had in that school is having my great ones around me. =) *you guys should know who are you*, i seriously enjoyed you guys's company although i'm never the talker nor the center of attraction. =3


Besides that, i got a seriously nice glass for Sandra which lays forgotten on the coffee table BUT it has a really nice message..

Life is a little glass of memory, fill it with the people worth remembering.

I got it for her while she went through some bad patch in life. And i was wondering, how come these words that i needed so much never came to me?

It's better to try then never try before and looking back asking the what ifs.. *quoted from Melody~*

Another phrase which made me like.. O.O! and all the heartache and regrets went away because we're all always tormented by that silly question.. WHAT IF? Looking back, i made a few bad choices. I made bad decisions. I regretted them but they are what made me who i'm today. bad choices, bad decisions, walking down the wrong route.. I may be still naive but i think i've improved a lot.. less naive... but i still lack the skill of looking through people but i'm getting there.. I m seriously getting there.. i THINK.

they mean so much to me.

he gave me a whole new meaning of happiness.


I know i've been neglecting you guys lately. Never come online to chat. Never update when i promised to update. Never sms. Never initiate a conversation. BUT that doesn't mean i don't need you guys anymore. I still do. It's just the comp is sort of breaking down. I have less time to come online as i'm almost dead from exhaustion each time i come home from school and i need my beauty sleep. After that, it's all about homework.. and preparation for school the next day.. It's.. a lifeless life for now.. BUT i have to live wit it.. Given the choice, of course i wish it's holiday again! =)

i can't say i'm fully who i'm now. i'll be fully who i am when i'm old and wrinkly with a few grandkids running about. i know in the future i MIGHT make bad decisions again but what the heck.. to hell with the what if question!!

Btw, i wanted to update about a wedding dinner last saturday but due to lack of media as in my pics, i can't so you guys have to wait. =P