And it feels like this..

calming. serene. nostalgic.


I took a gamble. A gamble which MIGHT cost me my future. As in literally. Or not. I don't know. But still, i took it without weighing the consequences much. I just know, when i decided to do it, i'll give in everything that i could and to make sure things turn out the way i wanted it to be.


Surprisingly, it did.


i say we look really good here. =3


I was from Science Stream. Changing into Art's Stream was a really big step for me. I didn't have any Arts Foundation. I didn't know much about Economics nor Business Studies. And i opted for these two subjects plus History (now, if anyone doesn't know a bit of it, then i've got nothing to say lar.. xD )

For the 1st two months, i was actually struggling. I didn't understand much about Econs or business studies. Basically, i was pretty blur. And at that time, i was really afraid. I was afraid that i made the wrong decision. It's like starting a whole new life altogether.

Then i pull myself together and force myself to understand. Which, sort of work? Thinking in a new perspective. Thinking LIKE econs. And thinking like a Business woman. It worked pretty okay for me.


Pn.Norishah, the datin in our hearts. <3>


Honestly? I've never scored really well for my business paper 1, and history paper 2. i struggled really hard for these two papers. Always trying my best to write the answers the teachers wanted. Even so there were a few teachers who encouraged us a lot. =) Pn. Norishah, Pn.Dyanthi, Pn.Siti Meriam and Pn.Che Rusidah but Pn.Norishah was the one that makes us feel like she's our mum. I heart her can? Almost wanted to ask her to become my Kai Ma earlier. =P


So yeah, as you guys know, today was the BIG day! I woke up around 8 something? The night before i had to drink a bottle a beer before going to sleep which work like a magic potion! in within 30 mins of consuming it, i totally KO-ed till the next day. Ben stayed over. =3 He did a lot of things to get my mind of the whole result thing which worked like magic. I did forget about the whole thing until.. 11am. That was went i felt the panic bile rising AGAIN! Waited another 30 mins before getting ready because my mum had some work for me but it was a false alarm. cheh!


Without you guys being there by my side throughout the whole journey, my success wouldn't mean anything. (Amirul, Raymond, Wai Hong, Nadira, and yours truly. Missing from the picture: Chui Kheng and See Yun)


Reached school around 12.15pm. Results were released. It was damn obvious where the results thing would be. The tables were set up in the foyer! O_O *gulps* *hearts beat faster* *The theme from Psycho started playing in my head* then i saw Pn.Norishah. Instantly i felt so much relax. Okay, i was still panicking! Flora was looking at her results and... her face didn't look okay... and then i was thinking "DIE LO! If she look like that, i better be prepared to look like that too!"

And.. *jeng jeng jeng!* it was my turn to take a seat. Pn.Norishah was smiling at me. (Of course she has to smile, or else you'll feel damn bad okay!) then i smiled. She asked me to look for 2 Certs. School leaving Cert and my testimonial. I was shaking when i looked through the papers. And then she couldn't stand it anymore. Yeah, she was like a balloon waiting to burst the confettis out of her. She went like "Steph, CONGRATULATIONS!" Steph went like "huh?" , shocked. She continued.. "You've scored STRAIGHT A's!" For a moment, i was like so dumb founded. I just stared. The happiness building up in me. "Teacher, are you joking?"

She smiled and said, "Serious! You scored straight A's!" I started crying! God, embarassing can? She was shaking my hand when i just blurted out "I'm GOING to U.M!" and her eyes was red and teary, like she was gonna cry for me too. She nodded and said happily," yes! you're going to UM!" and i took a full 2 minutes of crying, teachers from other tables whipped out their phone and started taking pictures of me. Swt Betul. Then i teared my results slip. It was.. straight A minus. DAMN! i didn't thought of A minus. My sis scored A's without the minus. So basically i lost to her by 0.33 pointers overall. Pif!

Then phone calls and messages came in. Thank you to those who called and send in messages! =)


we were all in it together. =)


I was thinking naively also. I was thinking, my mum would look at me in a new light, that i wasn't the failure of the family at all. in fact, i was just as good. but then, that thought was crushed when she called and asked me about my results. i told her i got straight A's. then she asked for my pointer which i told her. Wanna know what was her reaction? "Why so LITTLE?".. i was stunned.. and i wanted to cry again. I mean, i worked so f-ing hard to earn a little bit of appreciation and all i've got is.. "why so little?!" i went like.. "How much do you want then? it's like one of the best already." then she asked.. "will it get you into NUS?"

I was pissed. My aunt was brain washing her for 5 months about it. and she succumbed to it. I DON'T want to go NUS. I didn't work for that and i'm not about to let someone like her to whipped me away from here. *&^%!

Oh well, doesn't matter now. There are a few people that i'd love to say thanks to regardless they WILL read it or NOT.



you look the handsomest when you smile. i always thought you look like Jet Li when you were young. teehee~


1st person would be my dad. Thank you for being there for me all the time. Even when i did not do you proud (SPM) , you didn't look down on me nor shunned me for it. you always say doesn't matter what the outcome is as long as you've tried your best for it. i know you were dissapointed but you hid it well. Even so, it hurts to see you hiding it like that. What i have done and achieved today, i did it for me and for you. And though i know it wasn't as great or as good as Sis's. I know when you saw it, you were a bit proud. I also know that i've lessen your burden to put me through higher education. Thank you for believing in me always. =)


one eyed jet? =P

2nd, Ben. My prince, i'm soooo glad to have you in my life. I've always said the same phrase but it really feels like it, i was not lucky to have you, i was BLESSED to have you in my life. Thank you for being there when i needed you the most. Thank you for letting me rant, complaint, merajuk, and cry during my exam period. You were always there, encouraging me, supporting me through it all. =) Thank you for believing that i could do well and most probably the best. =D And also, thank you for Alex the lion. Without him, i wouldn't have slept well during STPM. And now, our future is much clearer instead of murky like it was a year ago. =)


i <3> you


3rd, Sandra. You...may not be the best person on earth in terms of encouraging me.. =P but you're always there whether i've been mean to you or NOT. Thank you for always believing in me and most probably one of the person who understands me the most. =)

4th, Jac. You are the person i've looked up to since i was 12. You didn't know it but i guess now you do. Yes, i look up to you because you're smart though a bit naive. And i was always trying my very best to succeed like you do and now, i think i have though i wasn't as good as you. Thank you for always listening to my rants and encouraging me to do well. =)


the hottest pic i have of you.

5th, Kristine. My closest and oldest friend. One of the person who knows and most probably understands me the most. If i ever need someone to support me, i know it would be you. If i ever need a really good opinion, it would be you too. Though we don't see each other much, we're still close despite i don't know who Nathan (izit Nathan?) is. But at least, i know who is Noel. =P just kidding! Thank you for being there, and your words of encouragement on monday. =) it did make me feel much better. =)


you look super fine here. =) though tricia have taken the whole space. =D

6th, Mel. Mel, Mel, We always say we're clossies. We are but hmm. we don't update with each other much. But it's okay for me. =) though i might not know much that's happening in you life, you know i'd always be here to listen like how you're always there to listen to me. Thanks for the thoughfulness of wishing me luck. =3 and most certainly, thanks for always leaving comments on my blog even though at times i didnt reply. =3


i know you <3>

7th, Darren. You are always there, staying neutral, not taking sides. Even so, i believe you do dislike people. heh! Anyway, thanks for everything. =) when i need someone for a favour, i know you'll always be there. =D thanks again! =D

8th, Chris Tan. We may not be close but you always make me feel very privillaged to listen to your rants and problems. =) and thank you for sharing your stories with me. I hope the best for you as you for me. Thank you for your words of encouragement and for supporting me. =)


9th, all my classmates and schoolmates especially Chui Kheng, Raymond, Wai Hong, See Yun, Amirul, and Nadira. You guys, i can't believe two years passed so fast! I had tons of fun with you people. And going through form 6 with you guys have been nothing but one of the most memorable thing ever. May this not be the last time we ever crossed path but many more to come. =) Thank you guys for always believing that i'll do well. =) Without all of you, life in school would have been boring. =)

and lastly, Mum. you are the only one person who's always hard on me. no matter how much i tried to please you or do you proud, it's never enough. But that's a good thing i guess, at least i strive and aim for the best. Even so, i wish you would noticed i'm growing up and with you being like that to me all the time, one day i'll grow out of it. grow out of trying to make you proud. but till then, i'll still do my best, to have you realize i'm NOT what you always think i am. still, thank you for being a poker face all the time. *ps: i know deep down somewhere, you were glad i did well." not showing it, just to make sure i don't get too proud with myself. just to make sure i stay humble after all. Thank you. =)