Yeah, you know what i mean.

that's me. my window. and my vanity table mirror. LOL.


Let's see what have i been doing for the past weeks if not bumming at home and wasting my time? *thinks*

Okay. that is practically it. BUMMING at home. *sigh* missed archuletta's concert. =( well, partly, it was my fault for going on a spending spree and not allocating some money for the CD. =(

Missed out Nuffnang Music Bash that Sandra chided me to write a post and get us the tickets which i didn't. =(

taken by kristine.


And then, i fell sick on monday night. =( no symptoms and stuff. went to bed feeling all burn up, *spoiler alert!* exactly like how Bella felt during her change in Breaking Dawn.Thing is, while i was all heaty inside, outside i was freaking cold. And it wasn't a good experience for sure. *shudders at the thought of it* That night, i could barely sleep, waking up at around 4 to pop a panadol in.


Then the very next day which was tuesday, i spend my whole day throwing up. I think that's on the too much information category isn't it? LOL. Well, yeah. everything i eat OR drink will end up in the toilet bowl in a matter of time. dad took me to see doc in the afternoon.


i find this rather emo. but i wasn't.


i told the doc my prob,


and the doc gave me a jab somewhere near my pelvic bone. WTF can? =( he said, if i don't think the jab, i'll throw up whatever meds he's giving me. so really have no choice but to jab. =( Heck he even gave me anti-vomit medicine to double dose it.


Thing is, it didn't work. the jab nor the med. i ended up throwing up as usual. by night time, i gave up after throwing up my dinner which was nestum and my meds. I went to bed with no meds to back-up my system.


Bennie~!


Ben came visit yesterday. and at 1st i was still nauseous, but after a while, i felt instantly better. in fact, after that, i felt a whole lot better. Now i'm more than fine. =D


Owh, Ben got chosen for the Loreal Talentsearch thing! =) He went for audition on last saturday. Pray for him for the next round eh? =) I'm proud. of course i'm proud. =D

Courage is all i need.

They say in order to love someone, you have to love yourself first.

i say, it might not be true. or at least i don't really agree 100% on it.


cute pic courtesy of natalie s of akrichan.net.


It's weird you know. the phrase about loving yourself first. I find myself thinking about it. Does it mean you have to be selfish? To put yourself first before others? Or does it mean treating yourself right with respect and love?


i ponder. If that phrase applies..


i'll have everything that i wanted. designer handbags, limited edition phones, the most expensive laptop, the most beautiful dress, a nose job (=P), a knee job to be taller, a huge mansion with gorgeous furnitures, all the best seller books, a killer career, vacation to exotic places and the list just runs like water running down the stream.


i'll do the things that i want to do. join beauty pageants (which i don't think i have the guts), take up makeup course and hairdressing course, start my own dessert restaurant ( i love love love dessert!), open an online boutique, and it goes on and on.


i'll just be myself. say what i want to say (honesty is the best policy eh?). think what i want to think(being judgmental which i try to avoid). dress haggardly.(okay, that was just a joke!). i'd still wanna dress up like myself. =)


i'd be the ultimate B**** like queen Blair in gossip girl. on the second thought, maybe i wanna be claire bennet from heroes. then i don't have to worry about breaking any bones. xD



PORINGS! X3 uber uber cute!



So yeah, the term hardly applies. to me, i think. as in, love myself first. i think it's easier for me to love someone more than myself. i find it easier to give. it makes me happy to give. but if i give myself, i'd feel guilty. that, i don't know why. as much as i love giving, i love receiving too. =)



but i won't be a total doink la. i do love myself, if not i won't do some certain things which i want like dying my hair complete with highlights. getting myself a nice dress from an online boutique( yeah, i shop online these days ). sleeping early in the morning and wake up around noon. always changing my nail colour regardless fingers or toes.

and.. i realize...

it isn't enough.

i need courage.

courage to do the things that i want to do. especially posing for pictures. =P i don't think the cameras love me. i have to stop thinking that way. XD


and to prove that i love myself!


i'm gonna have lunch now. my stomach is growling.


and to show that i love ben,


i'll msg him. telling him i'm having the most wonderful lunch while he's in class. mwahahaha!


just kidding! =P



ps: i'll msg him to say the things that i want to say. =)