Yes, it has been a long while since i last updated my blog. For some reasons, the need to write feels less and less. The need to express myself just went away. It really made me wonder up till now to why i just abandoned writing. I used to love expressing myself, playing with words and stuff but somehow, that part of me left. It just went away like gone with the wind or something. haha.
So, what have i been up to? Oh, i have been in this turmoil of searching for myself when there were days where it sucks really bad. I was hating myself, hating some people around me. I was trying to shut out the world, to just live my life one day at a time. I was searching for the real me and I still am. There were days where tears were my only companion. There were days that I convinced myself that it will only make me stronger. And i grew more and more dependent on him. Week after week, there is nothing that i look forward to but him. And then, he has to be taken away from me for the next two years due to studies.
It has never strike me that THAT would be the reason. I was toyed with that idea for awhile but the idea just seem so impossible. And then there are people whom I considered great confidante turns out to be not what i thought but i discovered friends who can be. And that i suppose is a win-win situation? There were days where people just don't get how i feel. There were days where they just get frustrated. That is when i was left thinking, if you can't deal with me then just leave me alone.
The emo days were there but there were also some days where i feel utterly happy like i wasn't carrying that heavy, hatred, whatever you call it, burden. Then there was the trip last year that made things a bit better and this round's is just as good.
Now the only thing i am contemplating is, to continue writing or just leave it. Afterall, my first paragraph already mentioned that the need to express myself is just no longer here. I suppose closing down is a good thing eh? :) and then totally immerse myself in my old world, reading and gaining more vocabulary. And maybe sometime later, the need to play around with words would come back to me. :)
what says you? just don't tell me i need to go tanjung rambutan. (-_-")
So, what have i been up to? Oh, i have been in this turmoil of searching for myself when there were days where it sucks really bad. I was hating myself, hating some people around me. I was trying to shut out the world, to just live my life one day at a time. I was searching for the real me and I still am. There were days where tears were my only companion. There were days that I convinced myself that it will only make me stronger. And i grew more and more dependent on him. Week after week, there is nothing that i look forward to but him. And then, he has to be taken away from me for the next two years due to studies.
It has never strike me that THAT would be the reason. I was toyed with that idea for awhile but the idea just seem so impossible. And then there are people whom I considered great confidante turns out to be not what i thought but i discovered friends who can be. And that i suppose is a win-win situation? There were days where people just don't get how i feel. There were days where they just get frustrated. That is when i was left thinking, if you can't deal with me then just leave me alone.
The emo days were there but there were also some days where i feel utterly happy like i wasn't carrying that heavy, hatred, whatever you call it, burden. Then there was the trip last year that made things a bit better and this round's is just as good.
Now the only thing i am contemplating is, to continue writing or just leave it. Afterall, my first paragraph already mentioned that the need to express myself is just no longer here. I suppose closing down is a good thing eh? :) and then totally immerse myself in my old world, reading and gaining more vocabulary. And maybe sometime later, the need to play around with words would come back to me. :)
what says you? just don't tell me i need to go tanjung rambutan. (-_-")
1 comment:
I THINK, you should keep it :) who knows, maybe looking back would be a good idea :) as in when you read back your old posts and all, and if that needs come back, you can still continue :D and NO i won't say you needa go to tanjung rambutan, maybe just come back here from the land down under and we should sip some nice drinks and have a nice night out ;)
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